


Learning to Breathe

by deathandchocolate



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Chinese Character, College, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Genderqueer Character(s), Hawaiian Character, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Internalized Homophobia, Is Anyone Straight?, Latino Character, M/M, Miscommunication, Nonbinary Character, Other, Past Abuse, Pining, Romance, Terrible Families, Trans Male Character, definitely not, jk I love inflicting pain on my poor innocent children, the answer is no, why am i the worst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2017-09-13
Packaged: 2018-07-28 08:06:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 27,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7631848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathandchocolate/pseuds/deathandchocolate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eliot Li has never believed in predestination, or kismet, or any of that pretentious garbage.  True love is a myth for Disney movies and cheesy romance novels.  He has never had a family, and he has made peace with the idea that he probably never will.  At least, that is what he thought before he met Alex, a redheaded spitfire with an equally cynical view of the world - and a passionate hatred for Eliot.  Brought together by fate (well, and a particularly disastrous college party), the two boys and their ragtag group of friends try to navigate the world around them while facing prejudice, betrayal, and pain.  In the end, they might even find the last thing they were looking for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which There is a Terrible Mistake and Definitely No Love at First Sight

**Author's Note:**

> Whoo so I had this idea a while ago and I just couldn't help but try to get it onto paper (or computer, rather). I guess I wanted a way to express myself as a closet trans boy in a very conservative Christian household, and so this story was born. I decided to share it here, so I hope others will enjoy reading it as much as I am enjoying writing it. 
> 
> I have made the rating 'teen' because while there is no risqué stuff there is a bit of trans/homophobia and references to attempted past rape/non-con and past abuse. There will be warnings in the notes before chapters with anything like that, but there shouldn't be very many where that is necessary. 
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr at @kiszmet. Feel free to leave comments!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for this chapter: drinking, a bit of noncon kissing.

Eliot Li didn't believe in fate.  He didn't believe in predestination, or karma, or kismet, or any of that pretentious garbage.  Eliot had learned to be independent since he was very young, when he had decided that relying on others was a mistake that he would not be caught making.  That was not to say that he was antisocial or spurned the company of others. In fact, it was quite the opposite; his many friends admired him and he in turn enjoyed their company. 

At least, that was true in most cases.  Right now, Eliot was kind of regretting his decision to trust Sam’s judgement.  In hindsight, he could not remember a single occasion when one of his roommate’s “adventures” had turned out well. At least this one was legal, and didn't involve breaking into a water park at night to ride the attractions on metal trays stolen from Taco Bell.  Eliot shuddered at the memory and glanced around at the chaos he was embroiled in. 

It was a typical college party at some student’s house: flashing lights accenting the smoke writhing around the turmoil of bodies, the tang of cheap liquor and sweat assaulting his nose, pop music blasting so loudly that he could feel the bass resonate in his bones.  Eliot winced.  This was definitely not his kind of party. 

He wandered around the edges for a bit, sipping a (very warm) soda and occasionally scanning the pulsing crowd for familiar faces. After a while he gave up and decided he needed some fresh air, stepping out onto the porch of the beach house and into the cool night. Although he could still feel the bass reverberating through the wood, he felt like he was in an entirely different world.  He breathed in the crisp air, grateful for the peaceful solitude. It was sometime past midnight, and a shy crescent moon glimmered down on the placid ocean and reflected off the lazy waves. It was the kind of night that, if not for the cacophony emitted by the party behind him, Eliot could imagine that he was the only person in the world. 

“Sooo, do you come here often?” 

Eliot yelped in surprise as he spun to face the person he shared the porch with, who was perched precariously on the corner railing. A slight, delicate-looking boy was smirking up at Eliot through his wild red bangs, obviously amused. Eliot flushed and tugged at his jacket in embarrassment. “I, ah - no, actually, see, my roommate wanted to, I guess, have some fun because, you know, it's a Friday night -”

The boy nodded sagely. “Yes, I was aware that it is a Friday night.”

Eliot's blush seemed to gain a new intensity. He was grateful that the porch wasn't very well-lit, but he had a feeling that the other boy knew, considering the way his grin widened. 

“Right, I - sorry, anyway, he dragged me along to be his designated driver, and wingman, I guess, but it's not really my thing. You know, flashy lights, drunk people trying to touch you, copious amounts of cheap alcohol.” He winced apologetically at his own awkward rambling.  God, he had to stop talking. He sounded like an idiot. His face was so hot that he bet Sam would have teased him about frying eggs. He tried to regain some of his dignity by diverting the attention back to the other boy. “What about you? Do you go to these kinds of things often?”

The boy raised a mocking eyebrow, pointedly looking down at himself and then fixing his cool stare on Eliot again. Eliot took the opportunity to take the boy in. He was practically the physical polar opposite of Eliot, whose Chinese heritage had given him dark hair and eyes and caramel skin. The boy was obviously not built for athletics, so small and slight that he almost bordered on scrawny. His tousled reddish-gold hair covered a pair of thick-framed black glasses and pale cheeks generously dusted with freckles. A thick tome was planted on his lap atop dark-wash skinny jeans that were so well-worn that they looked like there were more holes than actual material. 

Eliot raised his eyebrows at the book’s title. “Les Miserables, huh?”  He leaned closer as he inspected the cover.  “And in the original French?  Impressive.  Is that for a class?” 

The boy huffed a laugh and shook his head. “Nope. Just some light reading. This,” he gestured at the house, which was still vibrating with music and shouts, “isn't exactly my thing either.”

Eliot nodded. He wasn't terribly surprised; the kid looked like his picture could be the dictionary entry for ‘nerd’. Not that Eliot minded. Definitely not. “Well, I'm not a big reader, but I saw the musical and the movie and, let me tell you, it can't be beat.” 

The boy gave him an appraising look, obviously surprised by Eliot’s admission. “I won't disagree with you there. I'm double majoring in history and literature, so Les Mis is right up my alley.” 

Eliot nodded. “So if you're not into parties, what are you doing here?” 

The boy turned away and sighed in irritation, blowing his wavy bangs out of his face. “I live here.” 

Eliot glanced questioningly at the raucous house, then back at the bookish intellectual sitting before him. 

The boy sighed. “Okay, I don't actually know most of these people. I have some very sociable friends, is all.” 

Eliot scoffed. “Yeah, ‘sociable’ seems like an understatement.” He was surprised to find that he enjoyed the boy’s company. Maybe not all of Sam’s wild escapades turned out badly. He winced internally.  Speaking of Sam, he should really find his accident-prone roommate before he got himself in trouble. He scratched the back of his head regretfully. “I should probably go find my friend and make sure that he hadn't gotten himself arrested. Again. I...I hope I'll see you around?” The redheaded boy's smile illuminated the dim porch, and Eliot almost ran into the screen door trying to catch another glimpse of its radiance. 

Once he was inside, the music hit with a crude eruption of sound and the spell was broken. For a brief second Eliot wondered if he had imagined the whole thing. He shook his head at himself in exasperation. He might be crazy, but he was pretty sure he hadn't started hallucinating yet. 

He wound his way through the writhing mass of humanity surrounding him, but didn't find his wayward roommate. He figured Sam had found his way into one of the back rooms with some pretty girl. Or maybe a pretty boy. Sam wasn't very picky as long as his partner had a nice face. Eliot found himself once again thinking of pale skin and copper hair, then realized with a start what he was doing and flushed deeply.  

He still couldn’t find Sam in the main room, so he wound around the furniture that had been pushed to the sides of the room and went to search the rest of the house.  He made his way down a hallway lined with doors, most of them closed except for the one at the end of the hallway, from which he could see a hint of light.  He hesitated in front of it, wondering whether or not he should go in.  Finally he knocked gently with one knuckle, tipping his head toward the wood to try to hear something from within.  He pushed the door open with his fingertips, and as he walked in he examined the room.  It was warm and homey, the only light coming from the soft glow of the lights strung up.  Most of the pale blue paint was covered up by a mishmash of drawings, collages, and other personal mementos.  Knickknacks and trinkets covered the wood dresser.  The bed’s lumpy navy comforter - was  _ moving _ ?  No, it was a girl, blinking up at Eliot with bleary red eyes.  

Eliot flushed, and started to back out as the girl laboriously pushed herself up onto her elbows.  She noticed that he was leaving, and gave him a bright, slightly delirious smile from behind her wild tangle of blonde hair.  “Oh no no, don’t leave!”  She struggled to pull herself upright as the blankets slid off, revealing that she wasn’t wearing a shirt.

Eliot fixed his gaze on the ceiling, his face burning.  The girl giggled drunkenly.  “Hey, don’t be shy. C’mere!”

Eliot’s blush deepened.  “I don’t - I don’t think that’s a good idea.”  It came out as a strangled croak, and he cleared his throat as the girl cackled again.  He chanced a look, and jumped backward in shock when her nose brushed his.  He had no idea how she had moved so quickly, as obviously intoxicated as she was. Her clear blue eyes were surprisingly intent on his face as he tried to subtly inch away.  

The eyes pinning him down narrowed and shifted as the girl tilted her head and a smirk twisted her full lips.  “Awww, you’re blushing.  Am I making you nervous?  I don’t mean to.”  She stepped closer, forcing Eliot back. “You’re cute!”

Eliot grimaced.  “And you’re drunk.”  

The girl just grinned wider.  “Even if I weren’t, I would still want to do this.”  Eliot didn’t have time to wonder over this statement before the girl closed the distance between them and smashed her lips against his.  His eyes widened in shock as his indignant yelp was muffled by her mouth.  He flailed frantically in an attempt to detach her from his face, but she grabbed his hands and pinned them above his head as she slammed him against the wall with her body.  

The girl continued to sloppily molest his mouth, kissing him like he was a battle conquest.  Eliot would have been cringing if he weren’t so busy panicking.  He was having very little luck coming up with ideas for getting out of this strawberry-lip-gloss-flavored disaster when the door crashed open.  He groaned in relief, hoping that whoever had arrived would help him.  

The red-headed boy from the porch burst into the room, brandishing his classical tome like a weapon.  “Riley, are you okay?  I heard a noise, and - “  He stuttered to a halt when he saw the empty bed, whirling around until his wide eyes landed on the couple.  The girl - Riley, Eliot guessed - finally relinquished her vice-like grip on his wrists and they broke apart.  They were both panting, but for very different reasons.  Riley turned to beam innocently at her friend.  

Eliot bent over slightly and tried to scrub the glittery syrup off his face while struggling for air.  When he finally looked back up, he flinched at the murderous glint in the boy’s eyes.  The boy looked like he was preparing to shred Eliot to pieces.  Eliot gulped and raised his hands, but whether it was in supplication or self-defense he didn’t know and hopefully wouldn’t find out.  “Hey, whoa, this isn’t what it looks like - “

“Like hell it isn’t!”  the boy snarled.  “You were taking advantage of her!  If I hadn’t come in when I did, who knows what would have happened!”

Eliot shook his head frantically.  Nervous sweat dripped down his neck.  “No, no, you don’t understand, she - “  He craned his neck to look for Riley, to try to get her to corroborate his story, but she had curled up in a big armchair and looked dead to the world.  Eliot winced.  He wouldn’t get any assistance from her, and from the look of the boy in front of him he would need all the help he could get.

The boy positively vibrated with righteous fury.  Eliot tried to back up, but he was still pressed flat against the wall.  His obvious terror seemed to only encourage the five-foot-two pit bull determined to take a chunk out of him.  “Shut up!  Don’t you dare try to blame this on her, she is obviously intoxicated!  People can’t consent when they are under the influence, you sick rapist!  I don’t want to see you anywhere her or any other woman ever again.  Now _ get the hell out of my room!”   _ The boy spat these parting words like poison as he manhandled Eliot through the doorway and slammed the door so hard that for a few seconds Eliot could have sworn that the whole house was shuddering.  He was briefly tempted to check his clothing to see if he was smoking from the vitriol the other boy had just spewed.

He fled into the common room.  His vision seemed to have narrowed to a tunnel of chaos and flashing lights.  He collided with several people before tripping over a pair of long blue jean-clad legs.  Eliot glanced down into Sam’s dark chocolate eyes.  He sighed in relief and briefly sank down onto the couch beside his friend, who let out a quiet “Oomph!” as he was almost squashed.  He snorted in annoyance.  “Dude, what’s wrong with you?!” 

Eliot stood up again and started trying to tug Sam toward the door with renewed urgency.  “Come on, man, I’ve got to get out of here.”  His roommate squawked and flailed, trying to untangle himself from the person he was wrapped around.  Eliot quickly released him and flushed again.  “Were you, ah, busy?”  

Sam glared up at him from where he had fallen halfway off the couch.  “Yes!  But if you have somewhere to be, you can head back to the dorms without me.  I wasn’t planning on coming home tonight.”  He winked at the person who was still entangled in his legs.  

Eliot made a face as he turned away.  “Whatever, man.  Too much information.  See you tomorrow?”  Sam didn’t answer, as he had clambered up onto the couch again and gone back to sucking face with whoever his unlucky prey for the night was.  Eliot shook his head and made for the door.

As the screen door banged shut, he paused to glance over at the corner of the porch that had been occupied by the redheaded boy just an hour ago.  He scuffed his foot on the weathered wood beneath him, sighing heavily.  How had things gone so wrong in such a short time?

It must be Sam.  That kid was a bad luck magnet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact, my neighbors' son and his friends actually stole metal cooking sheets from Taco Bell and used them to go on the rides at a closed waterpark. I only wish I could have been there. You can find me on Tumblr @kiszmet!


	2. In Which Violence is Definitely the Answer (Or at Least Alex's Answer)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: mild violence, very subtle reference to past abuse

The next morning Eliot was rudely awakened by his phone’s attempt to vibrate right off the bed.  He groaned and cracked his eyes open, wincing at the bright screen displaying Sam’s name.  He buried his face in his pillow for a few seconds before picking up. “Oh. My. God.  You had better be dying or dead to have called me this early, or else you’re going to be dying or dead.  What could you possibly want at eight thirty in the morning, Sam?”

His best friend just cackled gleefully. “Good morning to you too, sunshine. Hey, some people are going out to play soccer, you wanna come?”

Eliot rolled onto his back and poked at the blinds, recoiling and hissing quietly when a ray of sunlight pierced the dim room. “Yeah, sure. Dude, how are you so...perky? You're a living zombie most mornings, and besides I'm pretty sure you drank your body weight in watered-down beer last night.”

“What are you talking about?! I am always perky.”

Eliot snorted. “Bull.”

Sam sighed, and Eliot could picture him rolling his eyes petulantly. “Okay, fine, hypothetically I could be this perky because I haven't slept for twenty-four hours, but - “

Eliot smacked his forehead in exasperation. Sam must have heard it, because he said, “Yeah, whatever, man. I don't need your judgement. Just get down here so we can have even teams!”

“Okay, I'll be there in ten.”

* * *

 

By the time Eliot arrived at the field, there were already about a dozen people milling around. Sam spotted Eliot jogging up and clapped his hands.  “Okay, everyone, it looks like we're all here!  Split up into two teams, skins and shirts.  I'll be the captain of the skins,” he winked lecherously at the assembled players, “and Alex is the captain of the shirts.”  Sam pointed to someone at the back of the group.  The crowd shifted and revealed the boy from the party.

Eliot could do little more than blink in shock (and fear) as the boy grinned and waved.  Eliot quickly moved toward Sam, stripping off his shirt, as the players sorted themselves into teams.  He was quickly chosen to be the goalie, since he had played the position in high school and also because he was the only one willing to do it. 

As the game progressed, the teams proved to be pretty evenly matched, and by halftime both teams had scored only one goal each.  As the players rehydrated and chatted, Eliot did his best to keep his head down in hopes that Alex wouldn’t spot him.  There was a chance that the redhead had calmed down, but there was a greater chance that, by staying under Alex’s radar, Eliot was preventing a violent crime.  

After the short break Eliot was once again relegated to the goal, and the game started up even more intense than before. 

The action was mostly happening at the other end of the field, which meant Eliot was free to let his mind wander off and let the forwards take care of things.  After a few minutes of boredom, Eliot heard excited shouting and glanced up in alarm.  The redhead - Alex - was sprinting toward him with the ball in front of him and a determined look on his face.  Just as Eliot was registering this, Alex took aim and fired the ball directly at Eliot.  Eliot couldn't bring his hands up quickly enough and watched as the black-and-white ball accelerated toward him, seemingly in slow motion, until it slammed into his face with a sickening  _ thud!  _

He reeled back, arms pinwheeling uselessly in the air.  He stumbled against the cold goalpost and brought his hand up to his face.  His fingers came away tacky with blood.  Eliot shook his head dazedly.  He detachedly registered the shouting of the people surrounding him, but he ignored them in favor of slowly looking back up at the only other still body amongst the chaos and found Alex’s strange blue-green eyes fixed upon his face. 

One of Alex’s friends ran up to him.  “What was that, man?  You never miss!”

Without breaking Eliot’s gaze, the boy responded, “No, I don't.”  Eliot caught a glimpse of a smirk as the Alex turned and strode quickly off the field. 

Eliot was only able to stare at Alex's retreating back as he tasted the rusty tang of blood. 

Sam ran up to him, snapping Eliot out of his reverie.  “Are you okay, man?  You seem a little spacey.”  Sam frowned worriedly, tilting Eliot’s face back and forth and wincing at the blood coating his lips and chin.  

Eliot nodded and waved him off.  He winced and tilted his head back, pinching the bridge of his nose in an attempt to stop the blood flow.  He was definitely not a stranger to nosebleeds, but he was grateful that his nose wasn’t broken.  He was no stranger to broken noses either, and they certainly weren’t pleasant.

Sam was still wringing his hands anxiously, looking for an outlet for his nervous energy.  Eliot attempted to distract him.  “Hey, who is that guy?”

“Who, Alex?  I think he’s an English major.  I don’t know him very well, but I’m friends with some of his friends and he sounds pretty cool.  I bet he didn’t mean to, y’know, nail you in the face with a soccer ball.”

Eliot snorted wryly, then immediately regretted it when blood hit the back of his throat.  “Yeah, I’m so sure.”

“What, you mean he did it on purpose?  Why would he do something like that?!”  Sam frowned.

Eliot sighed.  “We may have had a little...misunderstanding.”

“Pfft.  Like what?”

Eliot side-eyed him guiltily.  “I, uh, may have been snooping around in his room when his drunk friend attacked me and started making out with me and he came in and thought I was trying to take advantage of her and before I could explain he kicked me out and told me he never wanted to see me again?”

His friend stared at him with his mouth hanging open, dumbstruck.  “What?!  That’s insane!  I can’t believe he wouldn’t even let you explain!  Hang on, where is this guy?  I’m going to go see if I can beat some sense into him.”

“Nononono that is a very bad idea!  For several reasons!  Do we have to have the ‘violence can’t solve your problems’ talk again, Sam?”

Sam frowned darkly.  “This isn’t a joke, Eliot.  That guy had no right to do that to you, it’s inexcusable.”

“Dude, I’m fine -”

“He could have broken your nose!”

“Well, you have a point there.”  Sam’s scowl deepened.  Eliot sighed and rubbed his face, unintentionally painting his forehead with blood.  “Look, I’ll take care of it, okay?  I’ll talk to him, try to explain that of course I wasn’t trying to - to take advantage of her.  I mean, I’m not even -” He froze, stuttering to a halt.  “Um, I mean -”

Sam nodded knowingly, and a rush of cold terror flooded Eliot’s body.  “I totally know, dude.  You’re not that kind of person.”

Eliot relaxed as the icy claw of fear released its grip on his insides.  He nodded almost frantically in relief.  “Y-yeah, I’m not that kind of person.”

Sam clapped his shoulder.  “Come on, bro, we should head back to the dorms and get you cleaned up before someone calls the cops and reports a bleeding man wandering around campus.”

Eliot chuckled a little despite everything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours.  “Yeah, okay.”

“Seriously.  You look like you got mugged or something.”  Sam chuckled.  He slung his arm around Eliot’s broad shoulders and they made their way back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me anytime on Tumblr at @kiszmet.


	3. In Which Murphy's Law Strikes Once Again in the Lives of Our Young Heroes

Monday morning dawned bright and clear and far, far too early, in Eliot’s opinion.  It was the start of a new year and a new semester, which meant four new classes.  He had set his alarm to go off half an hour earlier than usual so he could have time to find all of his classes in time and still be able to grab a coffee before he arrived.  

He rolled out of bed, not bothering to wake Sam, who could sleep through an air raid and never scheduled classes before ten o’clock.  He managed to tug on a (probably) clean pair of jeans and his favorite blue hoodie without opening his eyes, then grabbed his backpack and keys and stumbled out the door.  Eliot’s truck was waiting for him in the dorm parking lot, an old Dodge pickup that was black except for the white cab.  He turned the truck toward the nearest Starbucks and prepared for a long day.  This semester he would be able to take anatomy, which he was very excited for because he and the other premeds would have the opportunity to dissect a cadaver.  However, anatomy was his second class of the day and he would have to struggle through a general education class on American classics first thing in the morning.  He was definitely going to need coffee to be able to survive. 

Luckily, the line at Starbucks was not too long, and Eliot reveled in the fact that he would be early to his first class of the semester.  When his truck sputtered and died on the side of the road, however, he realized that he might have celebrated too soon.  He checked his dashboard in confusion.  He groaned and thumped his head on the wheel when he realized that he had somehow neglected to notice that the gas light had been on. 

He grabbed his backpack to call Sam.  After searching through pencils and notebooks and coming up with nothing, Eliot remembered with a sinking feeling that he had never grabbed his phone off the side table where he had plugged it in.  He knuckled his eyes in frustration, then dragged himself out of the driver’s seat to grab the gas can he always kept under the back seat.  He knew just by picking it up that he didn't have enough fuel to even crawl to the nearest gas station.  Eliot recalled passing one about a mile up the road and, muttering curses under his breath, set off. 

—— 

Eliot burst into his first class of the semester wild-eyed, twenty minutes late, and inexplicably covered in black smudges.  The professor stopped in the middle of her sentence to scowl disapprovingly at him, then pointed at the last empty seat in the lecture hall.  Eliot ducked his head in apology and to hide his burning cheeks as he made his way to the seat.  He tugged a notebook and pencil out of his backpack and set them on the desk in front of him.  Turning, he opened his mouth to ask what had happened so far and met a pair of very disapproving, unfortunately familiar blue-green eyes.  His mouth hung open for a few more seconds before he snapped it closed and the blood that had been warming his cheeks rushed out of his face as he paled.  Alex cocked a supercilious eyebrow as he turned back to face the board.  As soon as Eliot stopped mentally panicking, he began to wonder why an English and history major was taking the same class as a premed - until he remembered that it was a general ed class, and major didn’t matter.  He would just have to try to sit on the opposite side of the lecture hall for the rest of the semester. 

Temporarily mollified, he dragged his gaze away from the redheaded terror sitting sedately next to him just in time to tune in to what the professor was saying.  “I will say it again for the latecomers,” with a pointed look toward Eliot, “Remember that the seating arrangement you are currently in is permanent, and will be where you sit for the rest of the semester.”  Both boys stared at her in horror.  Eliot dropped his head onto the desk and groaned. The next ten weeks were going to be hell.

* * *

 

Eliot slammed the door to the dorm room he shared with Sam and began shedding clothing and school supplies as he began to rant.  “You would not believe the day I've had.  First I woke up early to grab a coffee and halfway back my truck ran out of gas.  Of course, I had left my phone at home and the portable gas container was empty so I had to walk a mile back to a gas station.  Then, after I had filled up the container, everyone there decided that I was a  _ particularly shady _ scrawny Asian kid and so no one would give me a ONE MILE RIDE back to my truck so I ended up lugging like ten gallons of gas for a mile.  By the time I get back to campus I'm twenty minutes late for my first class and professor gives me the evil eye so I sit down in the first empty seat I find, and since I've just had the best luck today, my seat partner is none other than the crazy redheaded kid who almost broke my nose on Saturday!  Y’know, Alex?  And, get this, the seats are  _ permanent _ .  I'm going to have to sit next to this homicidal bastard for  _ ten weeks!” _

Eliot glanced around curiously when his roommate didn't respond.  “Sam?”  He saw a movement out of the corner of his eye, and he jumped when he turned and saw a stranger sitting on Sam’s bed.  The intruder was small and delicate, almost birdlike with sharp pale green eyes that contrasted sharply with their cocoa-colored skin and hair such a dark brown that it looked almost black in the harsh fluorescent lights.  Their short hair, and pixieish features lent them an androgynous appearance, so much so that Eliot couldn’t tell what gender they actually were.  The two of them stared at each other awkwardly as Eliot tried to come up with a proper response to finding a stranger alone in his room.  “Um...hi.  You’re not Sam.”  Wow.  Nice, one, Eliot.  He barely resisted smacking his own forehead with his palm.  

The stranger seemed amused, though, and gave Eliot a flash of blindingly white teeth.  Their smile could be described as nothing less than impish.  “Hello.  My name is Akela.  They/them pronouns, please.”  Their voice was low and melodic and immediately put Eliot at ease.  

“I’m Eliot, he/him pronouns.  That’s a gorgeous name, Akela.  I’ve never heard it before.”  

Akela nodded.  “Thank you.  I’m a native Hawaiian, my name means ‘graceful’ or ‘noble.’”  

Eliot smiled back at them.  “It’s a very fitting name.”  

Akela gave him another bright grin.  “You’re sweet.  I’m sorry if I made you nervous, I was just waiting for Sam to get back from the restroom.  I met him at the party on Friday.  The boy you just called a, ahem, ‘homicidal bastard’?  He’s my roommate.”

Eliot winced.  “Yikes.  Wow, I...yikes.”

Akela giggled and gave him a conspiratorial wink.  “No worries. I choose to judge people based on what I see in them rather than what I hear, and I might be wrong but you don't seem like a manipulative rapist to me.”

Eliot breathed out a sigh of relief. “I'm glad. I'm really not a…a rapist, I promise.” He cocked his head, frowning thoughtfully. “Although I guess a rapist would say that too.” Akela snickered again, and Eliot winced. “Oh my god, please forget I said that.”

Akela tipped their head to the side. The look on their face suddenly reminded Eliot more of a cat than a bird. “I think I like you, Eliot.”

Eliot grinned. “I think I like you too.”

Sam chose that moment to make his reappearance. “Hey, Akela, I - oh, hey, Eliot. I see you've met Akela.  You two are gonna get along famously. When did you get back?”

Eliot rolled his eyes. “About five minutes ago. Now, listen, you would not believe the day I’ve had…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle your seatbelts, kids, because this ride is about to get a whole lot rougher. (Not that broken noses aren't rough. Sorry, Eliot.) Check out my Tumblr @kiszmet if you are so inclined!


	4. In Which Alex is Forced to Face His Problems and it...Actually Isn't the Worst Thing Ever?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for a panic attack.

Two weeks later, Eliot still hadn’t gotten used to the accusing sea-green glare leveled at him every time he sat down in Classic Lit.  To be honest, the boy was starting to wear on his nerves; it had been a misunderstanding, after all.  Not that Alex knew that.  Every time Eliot tried to explain or start a conversation or even just exchange simple pleasantries, Alex shut him down with that same icy glare.  Eventually Eliot had given up, figuring that it didn’t really affect him in the long run if one fiery redhead chose to hate him or not.  

Once again, he would be proven to be woefully mistaken.  

The Classic Lit class hadn’t proven yet to be too much for Eliot to handle so far, although he did despise the required reading for the course.  He did remember from looking at the syllabus that there was a midterm project that should be coming up soon, and he was a little bit nervous for it considering his practically nonexistent writing prowess and overall hatred for crusty ancient literature.  Once again, he wondered how much this class would really affect his life once he was saving the lives of currently existing people instead of studying long-dead ones.

He shook his head to clear it and rubbed the back of his neck tiredly, settling in for an hour of painful boredom and stony silence.  However, instead of jumping into a lecture about the previous night’s reading, his professor began to outline the upcoming midterm paper.  “As all you diligent students have surely read the syllabus I handed out at the beginning of the class, you will know that there will be a paper due in three weeks and will count for half of your grade in this course.  It will be a ten-page analysis of a nineteenth century author and one selected work from that author.  This will be a two-person assignment, and everyone must work with their seatmate.  If there are any questions, you may ask me after class or during my office hours.”

She then continued to the beginning of the day’s lecture, but Eliot couldn’t hear her over the sudden buzzing in his ears.  What did she mean, _everyone must work with their seatmate?!_ He chanced a glance over at Alex, to see that the other boy seemed equally frozen with shock.  Alex seemed to feel Eliot’s eyes on him, because he met his gaze with his trademark sneer.  It seemed to lack some of its usual viciousness, however.

Eliot turned mechanically back toward the front of the classroom, even though he knew wasn’t going to absorb anything that came out of his professor’s mouth today.  He kneaded his temples despondently.  He could already feel a headache coming on.

When the class ended and everyone began to stand up and wander off to their next class, Eliot remained in his seat, twisting to see the boy sitting rigidly next to him.  “So, um…”

Alex’s lips twisted in reproach, eyes not straying from the supplies he was packing up.  “Look…” Alex faltered as he realized he had no name for the other man.  

“Eliot,” Eliot supplied wryly.

“Look, Eliot,” Alex continued, undeterred.  “I may be forced to work with you, but I want you to know that this is purely because I am going to succeed in this class.  If you do anything to endanger my grade in this course, I will simply finish this paper alone.  I don’t like you and I don’t trust you.”

Eliot slouched in his seat, raising one eyebrow and snorting.  “Okay, hotshot, relax a little.  I don’t want to be your friend either.”

Alex huffed quietly at the nickname and finally lifted his gaze to meet Eliot’s with another cool look.  “Good.  However, we do need to plan a time to get together so we can plan this out.”

Eliot leaned back and scratched his jaw thoughtfully.  “If you want to get this over as soon as possible, we could start today.  I already know where you live, so we could meet there after classes end.”  

Alex scoffed.  “Unless you forgot, I don’t trust you.  May I remind you, the last time you were at my house _you tried to take advantage of one of my friends._  I’m not going to give you an opportunity to do something like that again.  We’ll meet at your place.”

Eliot pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.  “Oh my god, I wasn’t going to - you know what?  Forget it.  Whatever.  Yeah, that works for me;  my classes go until three, so you can come over anytime after that.  My roommate might be home, but he’s relatively harmless unless you have a problem with bad puns.”  He tore out a piece of binder paper and quickly scribbled down the name of his apartment complex and his room and floor numbers, shoving the paper toward Alex before slinging his backpack over his shoulder and striding out of the lecture hall.

* * *

 

Eliot’s last class, biology, let out early, which gave him a chance to get home and clean up a bit before Alex arrived.  Sam wasn’t home yet, which was probably good in the grand scheme of things.  Eliot didn’t think Sam had forgiven Alex yet for nearly breaking Eliot’s nose.  

About half an hour after three, Eliot heard a tentative knock on the door.  He opened it to reveal Alex’s small frame, looking timid and unsure of himself despite his fiery words earlier in the day.  He had changed since their class, and he was now wearing a green “The only thing to fear is fear itself...and bears”  shirt with a graphic of a man running from a cartoon bear.  Eliot smiled at him cautiously, receiving a dark glower in return.  He sighed inaudibly.  He knew he shouldn’t have expected anything more, but he couldn’t help but wish that this experience would go smoothly.  The way things were going already, it was probably going to be a very painful process.

Alex had wandered into the common area, which contained two couches, an end table, and a small flat screen television hooked up to a video game system.  The small room was sparsely decorated, which was unsurprising considering that it belonged to four college boys.  Unless the discarded chip bags and ancient gum wrappers littering the floor counted as decoration.  Alex wrinkled his freckled nose a little bit in disgust, and Eliot couldn’t tell if he found it infuriating or endearing.  Endearing?!  This kid literally hated Eliot’s guts, how could anything he did be endearing?  Eliot shook himself and ushered Alex into the room he and Sam shared.  “This apartment is a four-person suite, which means there are two rooms, one on each side, and then a common room in the middle.  There are two people per room; Sam and I share this room, and Jake and Casey live in the other one.”

Alex had briefly paused to take in his surroundings, but when Eliot started talking he bristled.  “I’ve lived in the dorms before.”  

Eliot didn’t bother to respond to that comment.  Alex was obviously trying to create as much distance between them as possible.  “Okay, Buster.  Take it easy.  I’ll try not to be nice anymore.”

“I don’t want your ‘nice’, _rapist_ ,” snarled Alex.

Eliot was fed up with this.  He turned on Alex, and his sudden movement caused Alex to reflexively take a step back.  “Look, I am sick of your comments, and your snark, and your _death glares_ , especially when they are all completely undeserved!  I keep trying to tell you, it was a misunderstanding!”

Alex jutted his chin out, eyes flashing.  “How could it possibly have been a _misunderstanding_?”

Eliot took a step toward him and grabbed Alex’s wrists, pinning them above his head and trapping Alex’s body against the wall with his own.  “Like this!  This is what she did to me, and I wasn’t going to attack a drunk girl!  There’s no way I would have tried to take advantage of her because I wouldn’t do something like that!”

“Let. Go. Of. Me.”  Alex gritted out through clenched teeth. His voice was low and hoarse, trembling with his efforts to keep himself under control.

Eliot looked down in shock. Alex's eyes were wide with terror and burning with fury.

Eliot released him as if he had been shocked and backed away.  For a few seconds they stood there staring at each other, then Alex brushed past Eliot and was gone.

* * *

The sound of the door slamming jerked Eliot out of his stunned stupor.  He sprinted to the door and yanked it open, glancing around frantically before his eyes fell upon Alex.  It looked like his legs had given out, leaving him kneeling on the ground a few feet from the door.  His arms were wrapped around himself, making him look even smaller, and he was rocking slightly back and forth. 

Eliot sank to the ground in front of him and placed a hesitant hand on Alex's shoulder in concern.  Alex flinched away violently.  Eliot held up his hands slowly to try to placate him.  “Hey, what happened, what's wrong? Are you okay?”

One of Alex’s hands was clamped over his mouth, and Eliot gently pried it off.  Alex's eyes were unfocused and still dilated with fear.  His breaths came harsh and fast, in the throes of a panic attack. 

Eliot scooted closer and pressed the hand he was still holding to his heart.  “Shhhh, here, feel my breaths?  Breathe with me.  Shhhh, you're okay, sweetheart, you'll be all right.  Come on.  Breathe in, breathe out.  In, out.  Do it with me.”

Alex took a deep, shuddering gasp and began to shakily match Eliot’s measured breaths.  Eliot continued to encourage him in a low, soothing voice.  “There you go, love.  You're doing great.  Breathe in, breathe out, just like that.  Very good.  You're going to be okay, sweetheart.”

Alex had finally calmed down enough to come back to himself.  Eliot kept rubbing his back comfortingly until Alex waved him off.  Then Eliot hovered uncomfortably, unsure of what to do next.  He doubted that Alex would be willing to put up with him much longer, considering the boy’s self-proclaimed vehement hatred for him.  Still, it couldn’t hurt to ask. “Hey, Alex, would it be okay with you if I took you home?”

Alex looked up at him with those striking sea-green eyes, but there was no spite in them, only exhaustion and the last vestiges of fear.  To Eliot’s surprise, he weakly nodded his assent.  He tried to stand and immediately stumbled on unsteady legs.  Eliot wove his arm under Alex’s shoulders before he could fall again.  “Whoa!  Calm down there, buddy. No need to strain yourself.”

He helped the other boy down to the elevator.  Alex had walked to Eliot’s apartment, so Eliot bundled the shaking boy into his own truck and began to make his way toward the beach and Alex’s house.  The first few minutes passed in silence, Alex staring out the window and Eliot content with letting him brood. 

“What's with you and the nicknames?”

Eliot started and glanced over at his passenger.  Alex still had his chin propped on his chin and his gaze on the scenery flashing by, but he sounded tentatively curious. Eliot returned his gaze to the road before shrugging, a little self-consciously.  “Oh, I just kinda picked it up, I guess. My, uh - my social worker used to do it, and people pick things up from those they spend time with.”

“Social worker? Oh, you mean-” Eliot could feel Alex’s expressive eyes boring into the side of his head. “You were adopted?”

Eliot’s lips curved into a humorless smile. “Not quite.  I was orphaned as a baby in China.   An American couple wanted to adopt me, and I think they met me once or twice before - before they were killed in a car accident.  I was already technically an American citizen by that point, so then I bounced around from crappy foster home to crappy foster home until I was old enough for them to kick me out.”  He couldn’t keep the bitterness out of is tone.  Then again, he figured that with everything he’d gone through that he had the right to be bitter once in a while.  “The only reason that I'm here is because the college gave me a full-ride scholarship. If I hadn't gotten this, I honestly don't know what I would have done.”

Alex gazed at him solemnly.  “I’m sorry.  I know what it’s like to lose a family.”  His voice was soft but twisted with bitterness and grief.  

Eliot chose not to pry into an obviously sensitive topic, instead shrugging, “I was too young to really remember my parents.  They gave me up when I was really little, it’s not that uncommon.  No one could find any of my other relatives.”

Alex nodded slowly.  “Still.  I’m sorry.”

Eliot snuck a glance at him out of the corner of his eye.  Alex was sitting rigid and still in his seat, but his eyes were glittering with unspoken emotion.  Eliot turned back to the road, and they made the rest of the journey in silence.  

—— 

Five minutes later, Eliot’s truck crunched into the gravel driveway of the small beach house that Alex shared with two other friends.  Eliot got out first, and hurried around to the passenger side to open Alex’s door and help him out.  Alex flushed slightly and didn’t meet his eyes.  

Eliot walked with Alex up to the front door of his house before Alex turned to face him.  “Eliot, I - thank you for helping me.  I know you didn’t have to, and I probably don’t deserve it, but…thank you.”  

Eliot smiled slightly.  “Really, it wasn’t any trouble.  I appreciate your gratitude, though.  I bet that was hard for you, I know you think I’m a jerk.”

Alex’s cheeks reddened further, and he said softly, “Not anymore.” 

Eliot heard the click of the lock and turned back to his truck.  He shoved his hands deep in his pockets and descended the creaking steps, feeling a sweet bubble of hope rise in his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! This chapter is a bit late, but in my defense, I was in San Diego yesterday. Anyway, my wonderful beta has been reluctantly carted off to the Bahamas to suffer through all the things she hates like fish and boats and sunshine and beaches, so all mistakes are mine. As usual, you can find my tumblr at @kiszmet.


	5. In Which Things are Maybe Looking Up, Maybe?

Eliot didn’t know what exactly to expect as he sank into his seat in Classical Lit a few days later, after what he had mentally dubbed “The Incident.”  Nerves twisted his stomach, unsure of whether or not Alex’s surprisingly gentle manner would be permanent or just a rare anomaly.  People seemed to like him, so it appeared as if Eliot was the only one who Alex treated so harshly.  Would it change now, after the scene in the dorm and Alex’s kind words?  Did Alex still believe Eliot had meant to hurt his friend?

He sighed and started unpacking his notebook and pencils.  It was pointless to work himself up into a ball of stress when Alex would be showing up any minute.  

Speaking of the devil, the object of Eliot’s recent anxieties slid into the seat next to him.  Eliot met the other man’s blue-green gaze for a second before Alex glanced away again, a faint blush darkening his cheeks.  “Hey.”

“Hey.”  Eliot doesn’t know if he should smile.  Is that too much?  God, everything would be so much easier if he still didn’t care about how the fiery redhead thought about him.

That was a thought.  Why did he care so much?  Why should it matter to him whether or not this infuriating, unpredictable enigma of a person liked him?  Eliot pinched the bridge of his nose and glanced over at the enigma in question.  Alex had dragged his books out of his bag and seemed to be steadfastly ignoring both Eliot and any conversation about The Incident.  

Which was just fine with Eliot.

Mostly.

He sighed again in frustration, even more frustrated by the fact that he was actually bothered by this.  He was brought out of his daze by a quiet cough near his elbow.  He jerked, startled, and glanced questioningly at Alex.  Alex was watching him with a wry twist to his lips, and Eliot could feel his cheeks coloring.  Alex scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, ducking his head.

“I’m sorry-”  They both broke off.

“Oh, sorry, go ahead-”

“Oops, what were you-”  

They stopped again, both flushing in embarrassment.  Alex gestures vaguely.  “You go first.”

Eliot inhales deeply.  “Okay.  I just wanted to say, I’m sorry for...everything.  For the whole thing with Riley, and then all the stuff about the project, and then, y’know, the thing the other day.”

Alex is shaking his head before Eliot has even finished talking.  “No, no, you have no reason to apologize.  This whole fiasco,” he gestures again, “is my fault.  I should have just tried to listen to you the night of the party, or give you a chance afterward instead of being a superior jerk.  And-” Alex bit his lip.  “I’m sorry for… for the other day.”

“No, no, don’t apologize.  Hey.  I’m serious, you have nothing to apologize for.  You had a panic attack, it wasn’t your fault.  If it was anyone’s fault it was mine.  I shouldn’t have pressed you.  It’s my bad.”  Eliot smiled gently, and nudged Alex gently.

Alex smiled down at his lap, still biting his lip, and Eliot felt his heart skip a beat.  Eliot reached out to pat him on the shoulder, but realized his mistake before he could make Alex uncomfortable again.  The man obviously didn’t like being touched.  Eliot aborted the motion, instead reaching up to scratch the back of his head.  “Sooo, are we good?”

Alex nodded, looking back up at Eliot.  “Yeah, we’re good.”

Eliot grinned.  “Now, in other news - we still haven’t made any progress on our paper.”

Alex winced.  “Yeah, we… we still need to do that.”

“So.  Do you want to come over again tonight?”

Alex mulled it over.  “Yep, I think I’m free tonight.  See you at three again?”

Eliot nodded.  He couldn’t stop his smile from spreading over his face.  

* * *

 

Alex knocked on Eliot’s door at exactly three-fifteen.  They decided on a plan of action, which was really less of a plan of action and more agreeing that they actually needed to make progress on the paper. Especially considering they only had two weeks left to research and write.  

Eliot set himself up on his bed and Alex claimed Sam’s enormous bean bag on the floor.  He sank into it almost immediately, looking delighted despite the fact that the bean bag had practically swallowed him up.  Eliot had to cover his mouth to stifle his laughter.  

The project was a ten-page paper on a nineteenth century author and one selected work.  They decided on Victor Hugo without question, considering both his literary expertise and the fact that he had, in some way brought the two of them together.  Eliot was assigned to finding biographies on Hugo while Alex researched Les Mis.  

They worked in silence for about ten more minutes before Alex flopped over the side of the bean bag, rubbing his eyes.  “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

Eliot chuckled at Alex’s petulant tone.  “Bored already?”  Alex grunted. “Well, what else do you suggest?”

Alex hummed thoughtfully.  “How about Twenty Questions?”

Eliot snorted.  “What are we, fifth-grade girls at a sleepover?”

A strange, tight expression flitted across Alex’s face, but it was banished by the cheeky grin that followed.  “Who knows, maybe we are.  What, are you afraid that I’m going to ask a question you can’t answer?”

“Well, now you’ve gone and done it.  Fine.  Let’s do this.”

Alex crowed triumphantly.  “Okay, I’ll go first!  We’ll start off easy, for you.”  He smirked at Eliot.  “What’s your favorite color?”

“I don’t know.  Purple?  Purple is a good color.  What about you?”

Alex nodded in approval.  “Purple is a good color.  I’d probably say blue.  Or yellow, but not, like, those gross mustard yellows or anything, I mean sunshine yellow.  You know, like the color of yellow that reminds you of summer and swimming and melting popsicles and reading great books and lying in hammocks.”

Eliot smiled internally.  This kid was unbelievable.  “My turn now, right? Okay, let’s see… what is a weird habit you have?”

“A weird habit?  Well, I don’t know if this counts, but I don’t like drinking stuff with ice in it if it doesn’t have a straw.”

“Really?  Why?”

“I don’t know, I just don’t like the feeling of the ice against my lips.”  He shuddered.  

“Hm.  Okay.  Well, I have this certain way of folding my clothes that Sam just doesn’t seem to be able to grasp, but he likes doing his share of the work, so whenever he folds the laundry I have to wait until he goes out or goes to bed before I can refold all my clothes and put them away.”

Alex snickered.  “Poor Sam.  Let’s see… what is your favorite smell?”

Eliot crossed his legs.  “Hm, that’s a good question.  I would probably say the smell of the air before it rains.  I grew up in Oregon, where it was raining pretty much constantly, so I never realized that I would miss it until I moved here.”

Alex wrinkled his nose.  “Yep, it definitely rains far less in Cali.  I can’t say that I mind, though, I’ve never particularly loved rain.  Something about being cold and wet and miserable and having to go around in soggy socks all day just doesn’t appeal to me, for some reason.”

Eliot throws up his arms dramatically.  “What’s _not_ to like about that?!”

Alex just rolled his eyes.  

“So, what is your favorite smell?”

Alex cocked his head and looked at the ceiling, chewing his lip.  “I think it would have to be the smell of chocolate chip cookies baking.  It’s just so comforting and warm, and it reminds me of Christmas and home and family and being safe… well, at least it used to.”  He ran his hand through his hair with a slight grimace and an awkward chuckle.  

Eliot decided not to comment.  “My turn, then.  What was the last lie you told?”

Alex winced.  “I think that was yesterday, I told Akela that I had eaten breakfast.”

“You did _what_?”  Alex nearly jumped straight out of his bean bag.  Eliot waved cheekily to Akela, who had appeared almost magically in the doorway, with Sam a few steps behind them.

“Ooooooh, someone’s in _troooooubleeeeee_!”  Sam stage-whispered, grinning evilly.

Alex turned to look at Akela, wearing an expression that made him seem like a child whose parent had just caught him with a hand in the cookie jar.  Eliot couldn’t help but laugh.  Alex threw a betrayed glance at him.  “Oh, come on, you couldn’t even try to defend me?”

Eliot chuckled again.  “I don’t make a habit of defending people who are guilty.”

Alex gasped and pressed his arm against his heart in faux devastation.  Eliot rolled his eyes.  Sam looked questioningly at Akela, who shrugged, but they were smiling.  They coughed gently.  “Oh, right, I almost forgot what I wanted to tell you guys.  On Friday nights our house had a kind of game-and-movie night, to hang out and relax after the week is over.  Do you two want to join us?”

Sam mulled it over.  “As far as I know, I don’t have anything going on this Friday.  What do you think, Eliot?”

Eliot glanced over to Alex to try to gauge his reaction.  Alex was looking at him expectantly and, Eliot thought, maybe even a little hopefully.  He cleared his throat.  “Yeah, that sounds great.  We’ll be there.”

Alex and Akela beamed at them, and Eliot felt something warm in the pit of his stomach.  

Akela turned to leave, but just before they did, they called over their shoulder, “Oh, and Alex?  You’re definitely not off the hook for lying to me.”

They all laughed at Alex’s stricken expression.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew it took me a long time to update this, sorry! This chapter was v hard for me (mostly because I couldn't force myself to put actual effort into it) and school has, indeed, been kicking my butt. However, my beta has returned! And I finally have a comprehensive outline for the rest of the story, so I probably won't go so long between updates anymore!! Small victories, right?  
> On Tumblr, I remain your obedient servant, @kiszmet.


	6. In Which Eliot is Very Confused but Let's Be Honest That's Nothing New

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for mild legal drinking.

Eliot woke with a start and blinked blearily at the dim afternoon glow emanating from his bedroom window.  He tried to lift his head, realizing that his face was stuck to his anatomy textbook with his own drool.  “Oh, that’s…that’s real nice.  Charming, Eliot.”

He heard a wheezing gasp and whipped around so fast he nearly fell out of his desk chair.  Sam was stationed on his bed with his phone out, recording the whole thing and literally crying with laughter.  “Man, I don’t think I’ve laughed so hard all week,” he said, wiping tears of mirth from his eyes.  “Did you know you talk in your sleep?”

Eliot dropped his face in his hands as he knuckled the sleep from his eyes.  “Oh my god.”

Sam cackled.  “Oh my god is right.  Just wait until I post this on every social media account that I have.”  Eliot moaned.  Knowing Sam, that was a lot of accounts.

“Anyway, I was coming in to see if you were ready to go to that movie night thing at Alex and Akela’s place tonight when I got distracted.”

Eliot bolted upright.  “Crap, I completely forgot about that!  I was trying to get a head start on the anatomy quiz we have on Wednesday.”

“Dude.  It’s a Friday night.”  Sam quirked an eyebrow at him.

Eliot gave him a ‘ _ Yeah, so?’  _ face.  Sam sighed.  “Dang, bro, you’re lucky you have me.  Otherwise I don’t think you would ever leave this room.  They would come in to clean at the end of the year and find you mummified in textbook pages, pencils and instant noodle containers littering the floor around you like Egyptian burial gifts.”

Eliot just rolled his eyes in response.  “Yeah, I have no idea how you’re such a good actor.  You don’t have a dramatic bone in your body.”

“You’re just jealous because I’m going to be a Broadway star and you’ll be stuck wiping noses and changing bedpans for the rest of your life.”

“Either that or I’ll be laughing at you from my comfortable house while you’re panhandling in Times Square.”

Sam shrugged expansively.  “Eh.  So goes the life of an actor.”

Eliot mumbled something unkind under his breath.  Sam scowled at him and he grinned innocently.  “Well?  What time is it?  We don’t want to miss the movie night.”

As quickly as that, Sam immediately brightened.  “No way!  Okay, what should I wear?  I need something that says ‘cool and relaxed, but still fine as hell’.”  

Eliot could feel a headache coming on.

* * *

 

Akela had told them that there was no real beginning to the movie night, that people just showed up whenever to play games and watch movies.  Sam had had rehearsal that night for the show (they were doing West Side Story, and Sam was elated because he had been cast as Tony), so they showed up to the beach house at seven thirty.  They were met with bright grins from Akela and Riley - Alex was sulking because he had lost at Sorry for the second time in a row.  The guests were given a short tour of the house, which looked very different when not crammed full of gyrating, sweaty young adults.  They grabbed some pizza and drinks and the movie night began.

After a third game of Sorry (“Come on, you guys aren't even pretending that you aren't teaming up on me anymore!”  “Maybe if you stopped complaining we wouldn't want you to lose so badly.”) Riley decided that a change in pace was in order.  She grinned, one eyebrow quirking into a mischievous expression. 

Alex balked.  “Oh boy, I don’t like that look.  What are you plotting?”

Riley tried to affect an innocent expression.  It was entirely unconvincing.  “I was just thinking we could play  Truth or Dare.”

Akela and Alex groaned in unison. “Oh please no, I really don't think that's a good idea. In fact, it is a really, really bad idea.”  Alex protested. 

Riley winked coquettishly. “What, are you scared?”

Alex’s face flushed an interesting shade of red.  “I don't love you anymore.”

Riley giggled. “You'll always love me, babe.”  She wrapped her arms in a vice around his neck, dropping loud smacking kisses on his face as he struggled to escape. When she finally released him, his forehead and cheeks were so covered in red lipstick that it almost covered up his blush. Almost. 

Eliot felt a strange, uncomfortable twisting in his stomach, but before he could wonder at his reaction Riley clapped her manicured hands in glee and the game began.  “All right!  Remember, guys, if you choose one category, for example Dare, and you decide you don’t like the challenge, you can switch to Truth - but not before draining your beer.”  She grinned mischievously.  “All right Alex, dear, you can go first.”

Alex rolled his eyes in exasperation, but he was fighting to hide his grin.  “Wow, thank you so much, Ry.  Hmmmm… Sam.   Truth or dare?”  

Sam winked at him.  “Dare all the way, bro.”

“Okay.  Take two shots and do a cartwheel.”

Sam leapt up.  “I am so ready, man!”  

It went about as well as expected.  Sam ended up knocking over the garbage can and lay there, upside and covered in refuse, as he complained loudly of concussion.

As the game went on, the truths and dares became progressively crazier and the players got progressively drunker.  Eliot was forced to lick Sam’s foot, Sam admitted that he had kissed at least half of his castmates, Alex had to have Riley draw a picture of a dragon on his lower back in permanent Sharpie, Riley snorted a line of sugar, Akela did a surprisingly graceful strip tease to Shakira’s “Hips Don’t Lie” while wearing ten-inch heels.  Eliot glanced over at Sam during the ‘performance’ and found his normally unflappable roommate blushing so hard that he could have been mistaken for a toMika.  Eliot smirked and made a mental note to bring that up again later.  

“Okay, guys, my turn!”  Riley was looked surprisingly keen for the number of refills she had plowed through.  “I choose Alex.  Truth or dare?”

Alex eyed her warily.  “I’ll go with… truth.”  

A sharp grin grew on Riley’s face.  Alex leaned away from her subconsciously, looking faintly terrified.  “Okay, okay, wait!  I’m not going to answer whatever you’re thinking of.  I’m changing it to dare.”

Riley pouted.  “Aw, are you really backing out?!  You wouldn’t have regretted it, I prooooomiiiiiiiiise,” she sing-songed, looking oh-so-innocent.  

Alex shook his head frantically.  “Nope. Nope nope nope, just make me, like, lick a wall or something.”

Riley twisted the end of her ponytail around her finger.  “Oh, this will much better than that.”  The expression on Riley’s face reminded Eliot of a shark that had cornered its prey.  “Okay, Alex, your dare is to kiss the person in this room that you find most attractive.”

Alex froze.  He blinked twice, owlishly, as a blush spread all the way down his neck and under the collar of his shirt.  He glanced quickly around the circle, and his eyes seemed to linger on Eliot.  Then he forced an awkward laugh and turned back to Riley.  “That would be you, of course!”  He leaned forward and planted a kiss on her nose.  She looked annoyed, though Eliot couldn’t imagine why.  Wasn’t this the result she had wanted?

There was a slightly awkward silence before Alex cleared his throat and pushed himself to his feet.  “I’m - I think I’ll go set up the movie.  I hope everyone is okay with Pacific Rim?”  

There were quiet murmurs of assent as everyone else stood and began wandering around to refill cups or grab some more snacks before heading back into the living room.  Eliot sat down on the couch while Sam and Akela grabbed blankets and curled up on the ground by his feet.  Riley stretched out on the loveseat opposite.  Eliot expected Alex to sit down beside her, but instead he squeezed onto the couch with Eliot, staring fixedly ahead as the opening credits brightened the screen.  

Eliot shrugged and turned his attention to the movie.  He had never seen it before and soon he was completely lost.  He glanced over to Alex with a question poised on his lips.  Alex was leaning forward animatedly, attention completely absorbed by the film.  Eliot swallowed his question as he drank in the sight.  Alex’s eyes were wide and his lips were slightly parted.  Eliot caught himself staring and glanced away quickly.  

However, he found that it was far too late for him to make any sense of the movie, so he just sat there for another half hour before he felt a soft but insistent weight against his side.  He chanced a look to his left and saw fluffy tufts of red hair resting on his shoulder.  Alex had apparently passed out from exhaustion and was unconsciously using Eliot as a human pillow.  

Not that Eliot particularly minded.  Alex smelled like vanilla and lavender.

He blushed violently and hoped it was too dark for anyone to see his face.

Eliot tried to keep as still as possible through the remainder of the movie to let Alex get as much rest as possible.  The feeling of the boy pressed up to his side was definitely not conducive to movie-watching, especially once Alex’s head slipped from his shoulder and Alex slid into his lap.  

Once the ended, he stayed frozen to the couch, unsure of what to do next.  Riley noticed his predicament.  She smiled affectionately down at the sleeping boy, stroking his hair out of his face tenderly before looking back up at Eliot.  “Sorry about this.  He does it every time we drink.”

Eliot smiled feebly.  “He’s a sleepy drunk?”

Riley laughed softly.  “Oh, no.  Alex doesn’t drink alcohol, he had apple juice in his cup.  He really likes apple juice.  Unfortunately, after consuming ridiculous amounts of pure sugar he inevitably gets ridiculously hyper and then plummets into a sugar coma.”

Eliot’s lips twitched slightly.  He had to admit, it was extremely cute.  

And, he had to remind himself, nothing he should get used to.  He looked back up at Riley.  “Sorry.”

She quirked her eyebrow.  “For what?  I should be apologizing to you for letting him drool all over you in his sleep.”

Eliot cut his eyes to the side in embarrassment.  “Sorry… for everything that happened at the party.”

Riley began shaking her head vehemently before he could even finish the sentence.  “No, no, don’t apologize.  I want you to know, Eliot, that none of what happened at that party or after it was your fault.  I know I can get a bit handsy when I’m drunk,”  Eliot thought this was an understatement, though he didn’t comment, “and I tend to be kind of pushy, well, all the time.  Alex was just trying to be a stupid knight in shining armor and protect my maidenly virtue, or whatever.  I bet he was just jealous.”  She winked conspiratorially, and Eliot felt his stomach twist with an emotion he couldn’t quite place.   Eliot followed Riley's gaze to his lap and caught himself absent-mindedly stroking Alex's hair.  It was incredibly soft, he noticed, and it felt really good between his fingers.  He could spend hours simply sitting and carding his fingers through Alex's feathery copper hair, he thought absently.  Remembering that Riley was still watching him, he jerked his hand away in embarrassment, but Riley just seemed amused.

Eliot had to ask.  “Why are you fine with this?  Isn’t he your boyfriend?”

Riley stared at him for a moment in bemused shock before bursting into laughter.   She bent over, clutching her stomach, while Eliot just stared at her awkwardly.  When she finally straightened again she was wiping her eyes.  “My boyfriend!  Oh, that’s rich.  Ooh boy, you gave me a good laugh.”

Eliot was completely lost.  “So… wait, he’s not your boyfriend?!  But you kept calling him ‘babe’ and kissing each other and…”

Riley giggled.  “Ohhhh no, sweetie.  Alex is my best friend, but he would never be my boyfriend.  For one thing, I’m not his type.”  She chuckled again at the look on Eliot’s face.  “And by that I mean his type is men.”

Eliot gulped and felt his face suddenly felt about twenty degrees hotter.  This ‘friends’ thing seemed to be getting harder and harder.

“Besides, I’m already taken,” Riley continued as she scrolled through her phone and selected a picture of herself and a very buff dark-skinned woman with a shock of spiky electric-pink hair.  “This is my girlfriend, Anya.  She lives in Russia, but we met when she came to the U.S. for an exchange program.”

Eliot cocked his head as he remembered something. “So, if you have a girlfriend, why did you try to kiss me at that party?”

Riley shrugged.  “Well, I’m bisexual and Anya and I have an open relationship until one of us can move after college.”

“Oh.  I mean, I guess that makes sense.”

She smiled again, softly.  “I hope we can get past this, Eliot.  We all like you, and I think you could be a great friend to have.  I have a feeling you will be good for Alex.”

With this cryptic remark Riley heaved her best friend off Eliot's lap and dragged him to his room and left Eliot wondering, alone and in the dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, finally broke 10,000 words!! I feel very accomplished.  
> I hope you guys are enjoying this as much as I am! You can find me on Tumblr at @kiszmet :)


	7. In Which Eliot Gains a New Friend!  (This Doesn't Happen Very Often, Poor Boy)

The next time Alex and Eliot saw each other was their last meet-up before they had to turn in their Hugo essay for Classic Lit.  It was mostly finished, but they decided they should get together again to polish the essay and prepare the in-class presentation part of the assignment.  Alex didn’t bring up the movie night or the fact that he had basically fallen asleep in Eliot’s lap while his girlfriend was sitting a few feet away, so Eliot didn’t mention it either.  

Sam was gone again, presumably hanging out with Akela, so they had Eliot’s apartment to themselves.  Once again they were camped out in Eliot’s room, him on his bed and Alex slouched in the beanbag in the corner.  At first they talked about final details and due dates but soon it was silent except for the sounds of typing and quiet breaths.

Eliot couldn’t help but wonder what would happen after they turned this project in.  He would still see Alex in class, but he thought he remembered their professor saying something about switching seats for the last five weeks of the semester.  Would they have a reason to see each other anymore?  He figured that Akela would still come around the apartment to visit Sam, but there was no reason that Alex would come too.  He and Alex weren’t exactly friends, right?  After all, not many great relationships started with one person accusing the other of trying to molest their girlfriend.

He sighed and rubbed his eyes.  Why did he even care?   Since when would he actually miss the prickly, temperamental redhead?  Alex was probably counting the minutes until he could be rid of Eliot, and who was Eliot to blame him for it?  

He dropped his head onto his arms.  This was stupid; he should just get this project finished and stop lamenting the early death of a nonexistent friendship with a boy who probably still disliked him.  

His self-pitying train of thought was abruptly derailed by a dry cough from the other side of the room.  He lifted his gaze to meet Alex’s.  The redhead was looking at his with a mixture of amusement and nervousness.  “Hey, do you think…I mean, we’ve been working pretty hard on this project, and we should have some kind of reward, right?  So we should go grab lunch or something on Thursday after we turn the project in.”

Eliot sat up, a grin spreading slowly across his face.  Relief swelled in his heart, filling him with joy and possibility.  “Yeah, that - that sounds great!  It’s a - ”  He broke off quickly.   _ No, you idiot, it _ isn’t  _ a date.  Come on, get it together.  You don’t want to scare him off right when there’s a possibility of being his friend.   _ “Sounds like a plan!”

Alex smiled back at him.  Eliot swallowed hard and tried not to think about how hard this was going to be.  Friends.  Right.  He could totally do this.

* * *

 

They finished earlier than expected but neither wanted to move, so they ended up just lying on the floor and telling embarrassing stories about their friends.   Eliot was in the middle of telling Alex about another of Sam’s failed romantic endeavors (the time that Sam had tried to flirt with someone at a Christmas party and ended up getting shoved into a pool) when the object of their conversation walked in, along with Akela.  They looked down at their friends.  

Eliot was lying on his back with Alex sprawled diagonally across his stomach.  They were both laughing so hard that they had to continuously wipe tears of mirth from their eyes.  They both glanced up at the newcomers, then burst into even more hysterical laughter.  Sam and Akela just glanced at each other, bemused, but they couldn’t help smiles from breaking out on their faces as well.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am terribly sorry, this is like the shortest chapter to ever have been written, but things are heating up soon I promise!!  
> Bother me on Tumblr at @kiszmet


	8. In Which Alex is Upset For a Perfectly Rational Reason That Has Nothing to Do with Eliot, Okay?!

The last details on the essay were easily smoothed out and the presentation went off without a hitch.  Alex decided that it had indeed been excellent work and announced that they definitely deserved a reward, so they headed over to Rosaria’s, the little Mexican restaurant on the edge of campus.  It was a sit-down restaurant, which was why most of the broke college students didn’t usually go there, but it wasn’t too expensive.  Besides, it was nice to indulge a bit once in a while.

Rosaria’s had a very homey feel, with soft lighting and brightly painted walls and the smell of cooking masa permeating the air.   They didn’t have to wait long for a seat.  They chose a booth in the corner because they both agreed that booths were obviously the superior form of seating and, really, why would you want anything else?  Before long, they comfortably seated and discussing the menu.  

“We had a lot of Mexican restaurants in my hometown, you know, central California, and there were a lot of options but I only ever get tamales,”  remarked Alex as he scanned the lunch choices.

“Really?  Why?”

Alex chuckled.  “Well, this might sound a little silly, but I was really picky as a child.  So one day we were at my mom’s favorite Mexican restaurant and I didn’t want a bean burrito and I decided to find something else.  My mom was listing some options and she mentioned tamales.  I thought she had said ‘Amali’, which was the name of one of my friends, so I chose tamales.”  He shrugged.  “I loved them, so now at all of the Mexican restaurants I eat at I get tamales and see how they compare.  It’s kind of a tradition, I guess.”

Eliot tried to suppress a grin.  “I don’t think I’ve actually had tamales before.  I’ll have to try them.”

Alex gaped at him.  Eliot didn't know if Alex was genuinely horrified or just pretending.  “You’ve never - you - oh my gosh, this is unbelievable.  Tamales are, like, God’s gift to humanity.  Now we know what you’re ordering today.  So, if you haven’t had a lot of Mexican food - and Taco Bell  _ does not _ count, by the way - then what kind of food did you eat back home?”

Eliot shrugged as he fiddled with his napkin.  “I didn’t really have many traditions or anything since I didn’t stay with any particular foster family for too long, but I lived in Portland.  There’s no way to not eat some crazy things if you live in Portland.”

“Tell me about it!  I’ve only been to Portland once, and only for a day.”  Alex leaned forward on the table excitedly.

“Well, Portland is kind of well-known for two things: food trucks and hipsters.  So there are a lot of odd little hole-in-the-wall eateries and wacky food trucks.  Like, there’s a vegan strip club.”

Alex choked on his water.  “A  _ what?! _ ”

Eliot laughed.  “Crazy, right?  And there’s this cool doughnut place called - ”

“Voodoo Doughnuts?” A smooth voice broke into their conversation.  

Eliot glanced up, startled.  A tall woman, even taller than Eliot, was standing by their table with a smile and a pad of paper.  Whatever Eliot was about to say died on his tongue as he stared at the incarnate goddess before him.  The waitress looked Native American, with her dark skin and sleek black hair pulled into a braid that rested on her shoulder.  Her hazel eyes were warm and playful, and she was wearing a single earring, a real feather that brushed the top of her shoulder.  

“I go to Portland every summer to visit my family,” the otherworldly creature continued.  “We take my little cousins there for their birthday.  They’re twins,” she explained.  She cocked her head.  “One time we saw a doughnut as big as a cake that said ‘R.I.P James’ on it with a picture of some guy who looked like Elvis drawn on in frosting.  I still wonder if that was a joke or not.”  She grinned down at his customers.  Eliot was nearly blinded.  “Sorry for interrupting your conversation, I just heard you mention Voodoo.  It’s a bit of a tourist trap, but the kids love it.”

Eliot smiled back at her.  “Really, don’t worry about it.  What kind of person would buy a doughnut as a memorial?!”

The woman laughed.  “That’s the question that has haunted me all these years.  My name is Mika, I’ll be your waiter today.”

“Nice to meet you, Mika.  I’m Eliot, and he’s Alex.”  Eliot gestured at his friend who, he just realized, had been strangely silent throughout the exchange.  Alex seemed to be scowling slightly, but as to why Eliot could only guess.  He shrugged it off as Mika took their orders - a tamale with rice and beans for Alex, and a tamale/enchilada combo plate for Eliot. 

“Great!  I’ll be back in a few minutes with your orders.”  Mika smiled brightly at them again before turning to go back into the kitchen.  Eliot could have sworn he heard Alex mutter something under his breath.  

They made idle conversation until the food arrived.  Mika returned with their steaming plates, setting Alex’s down in front of him before he leaned toward Eliot.  “Be careful, it’s,” he said, meeting Eliot’s eyes and winking deliberately. “ _ very _ hot.”  

Eliot felt his entire face flush with embarrassment and… a twinge of exhilaration.  He felt electrified, like he was playing with something far more dangerous than him.  It was a rush, and he still wasn’t sure yet if it was a good one.

As Mika left Eliot noticed that Alex looked like he had just bit into a sour lemon.  Maybe there was something wrong with the tamales?  Eliot took a bite of his own tamale.  It tasted fine to him. “Hey, you were right!  This tamale is really good.”

Alex just gave him a wan smile in response.  Eliot mentally shrugged at his friend’s strange behavior and dug into his meal.

Mika returned about twenty minutes later to collect the bill. When she returned, she handed the slim leather folder back to Eliot with another conspiratorial wink.  Eliot frowned in confusion, but Mika just flicked her eyes toward the billfold again and departed. 

Eliot opened the billfold curiously. Inside, along with his change, was a scrap of a napkin with a number written on it in elegantly slanting script.  He flipped it over, mystified, to find the name “Mika Hunt” scrawled on the back in the same looping letters. He immediately flushed crimson and tucked the scrap of paper into his jeans pocket. 

“Let's go,” snapped Alex, shooting to his feet and starting to stalk toward the door. Eliot was really beginning to wonder what had sparked this dramatic mood swing.  Maybe the tamales weren't as good as he had expected them to be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alex like "I'm just mad because flirting at work is unprofessional" haha ok buddy


	9. In Which Eliot Lands a Hot Date and Sam is Still Regrettably Single

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: mild drinking, hopeless awkwardness, crimes against Star Wars (which is TOTALLY better than Star Trek btw)

The next week passed relatively uneventfully, except for the fact that Mika’s offer and the scrap of paper were constantly in the back of Eliot’s mind.  It definitely didn't help that Sam wouldn't shut up about his own nonexistent love life.

Sam was a little bit drunk.

“Akela’s just...so cool, y’know?” he slurred. “Like, they're so classy an’, an’ smart and gorgeous and their hair looks so soft and I want to touch it like all the time…”

Okay, maybe more than a little bit.

“But, I mean, why would they want to date me? I'm, like, the opposite of Akela in every way. I'm loud, and obnoxious, and I can't sit still for five minutes straight!  On top of all that, I've never been in a relationship that lasted more than a month.  Akela deserves better than a self-absorbed actor with commitment issues!”

Eliot dropped his pencil to scrub at his face with both hands.  “Sam, I don’t know about you theatre people, but I have actual work that I would like to finish sometime before next millennium.You know I’m terrible at relationships, so I don’t know why you’re even bothering to ask me.  Also, will you get off my bed?  You know I love you, but you have a perfectly nice bed of your own so you don’t get your snears on mine.”

Sam hiccuped but didn’t move.  “Sneers?”

“Really, that’s all you got out of that?  No, snears, like - like snot and tears, at the same time, a combination of - you know what, just forget about it.”

His roommate sighed despairingly and gazed miserably at the ceiling.  “That’s easy for you to say.  You just got that super hot waitress’ number.”

“What?!  Who told you that?”  He could feel his face heating up.  

Sam smiled faux-sweetly at him.  “Oh, honey, when are you ever going to learn?  I know eeeeverythiiiiiiiiing.”  

“And I know that you have had enough to drink.”  Eliot snatched the bottle of beer out of Sam’s uncoordinated hands.  

Sam squawked indignantly and tried to grab it back, barely catching himself before he fell off the bed.  He held his spinning head for a few moments, then relented, contenting himself with making pathetic grabby-hands at the alcohol and giving Eliot puppy eyes.  

Eliot was entirely unsympathetic.

“But seriously, dude, if I’d just gotten the number of, like, one of the hottest girls on campus I would be acting pretty differently than you are right now.”

Eliot just rolled his eyes.

Sam took this as a sign to continue.  “No, seriously, bro.  You’re acting like she has the plague or something.  What are you afraid of? Just call her. She's obviously into you.”

 _Yeah, that's what I'm afraid of,_ thought Eliot.

Sam wasn't finished yet. “Hell, just text her if calling is too hard for you!”

Eliot sighed. He couldn't think of any argument - at least, any argument that would sway his stubborn friend. “Okay, okay, I'll text her.”

Sam hooted as he punched the air victoriously. “Nice!  I knew you would see the light eventually!  But anyway, there's no need to text her.”

“...what?  What is that supposed to mean?  Didn’t you just tell me to - ”

“I already texted her for you!”

“WHAT?!”

 

**ELIOT LI:  Hey Mika, it's Eliot from Rosaria’s.  My friends and I are having a movie night this Friday at their house, would you be interested? ;)**

 

Eliot stared down at his phone.  “Unbelievable.  I - you...I don’t even know what to say to you.  Okay, wait, I do: how did you manage to steal my phone and text someone without me noticing?”

Sam just smirked.  “Believe it, baby.  My moves just scored you a hot date.  And, buddy, seriously?  I love you, but you're not exactly the observant type.”

“Aren’t you getting a bit ahead of yourself there, _buddy_?  Your so-called ‘moves’ haven’t done anything yet.”

“Ah, you speak too soon, _mi amigo_.”

Eliot was about to make a smart reply before his phone chimed.  Sam waved his hand imperiously.  "The proof is in the pudding."

 

**MIKA HUNT:  Yeah, absolutely!  Just tell me where and when, and I’ll be there! :)**

 

Eliot swallowed nervously and looked up from the gently glowing screen cupped in his large hand.  Sam looked at him like the fat cat that just caught the canary.

“Well?  What did she say, bro?”

“She - she said yes.  She’ll come on Friday.”

“That’s awesome!  What did you say?”  Sam interpreted Eliot’s stricken expression correctly.  “Oh, come on, dude.  Asking someone out should not be this difficult.”

“But what do I say?  I’ve never done this before, how am I supposed to know?!”

“Oh, my young Padawan.  So much I must teach you,”  Sam intoned in a voice that he probably thought made him sound pensive and wise.  In truth, he just sounded like he had a nasty head cold.

“That’s probably supposed to mean something to me, but I’ve never seen Star Trek before.”

Sam gasped so violently that he almost fell off the bed again.  “What did you just say?!  Did...did you just _disgrace_ the sheer perfection that is Star Wars by comparing it to its lesser counterpart?!”

“Oh, yeah, it’s from Star Wars.  Whatever, there’s basically no difference.”

Sam pressed the back of his hand against his forehead dramatically.  Not that anything Sam did was ever _not_ ridiculously dramatic.  Actors.  “I...I honestly can’t believe you just said such a thing.  And here I am, trying to help you with your feeble attempts at romance, while you _slander_ the _greatest cinematic masterpiece_ that has _ever graced this base and cringing earth!”_

“Okay, I’m pretty sure you stole that last part from someone else.”

“Wow, okay, mister wise guy, first you abuse Star Wars and then you insult my originality?  You are truly unbelievable.  That’s it, I’m not helping you anymore.”

Eliot froze.  “Wait, wait, I take it back!  I was wrong and Star Wars is actually the most wonderful movie ever produced, are you happy now?”

Sam inspected his nails lazily.  “Hmmm, I just don’t know.  I don’t feel like you appreciate me enough, Eliot Li.”

“What, do you want me to fall at your feet and beg for you to deign to forgive me?”

“That would be nice, yes.”

Eliot just stared stonily at him.

“Oh, all right.  Fine.  I shall grant you mercy, just this once, because I care about you so much.  And because I ate the last three Snickers that you were hiding in the bathroom cabinet.”

“You WHAT?!  Oh my god, you are actually the worst roommate ever.  I need a new best friend.”

“Mmmmm, you keep threatening that but you never act.  Now do you want my help or not?”

Eliot sighed, relenting.  “Yes.  Yes, I want your help, oh Sam the great and powerful.”

“Yep, that’s what I thought.”

 

 **ELIOT LI:**   **No need for that, I can pick u up and take you there.  Is that ok?**

 

 **MIKA HUNT:**   **Sure, that sounds great.  I live in the Three Oaks apartment complex, across from campus on Main Street.**

 

 **ELIOT LI:**   **Ok, I’ll pick you up at 6?  There will be pizza and stuff there, so you don’t have to eat beforehand.**

 

**MIKA HUNT:  Sounds good!  See you then :)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol it's been a while since I updated this but I'm not dead I promise!! I've been having some trouble with how I want to move the plot along but slow and steady wins the race (or something)


	10. In Which Bonding Happens and Alex Has a Deep Dark Secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning for very oblivious boys

Eliot didn’t have a lot to do on Wednesday nights.  He had most of his classes on the other days of the week, so Wednesday was usually the day that he used to catch up on the homework that he had accrued over the first half of the week, and also as a way to work on any long-term projects.  Actually, by now, he had finished most of his term papers for no other reason than having something to do instead of suffering from the sheer boredom that was threatening to drive him out of his mind.  

Sam and Akela were sitting squashed together on the beanbag, watching a movie on Sam’s laptop.  Eliot wondered if either of them was actually paying attention to the film, considering the nearly constant stream of ‘witty’ commentary that Sam was offering, interspersed with Akela’s suppressed giggles and occasional interjections.  When Sam wasn’t making obnoxious remarks he was gazing wistfully at Akela’s profile, lit up by the harsh blue light of the computer screen.  

Eliot rolled his eyes.  Hopeless.  He turned back to the anatomy textbook that he was studying.  Sam must have noticed the movement out of the corner of his eye, because he tugged his earbud out.  “Dude, what are you doing?”

Eliot rolled his head from side to side, popping the bones in his neck.  Sam winced.  “I’m just studying anatomy.  I need to get a good grade on the final.  It’s one of the required courses for pre-meds, so I’ve got to get an A or I’ll have to retake it until I do.”

Sam squinted at him.  “Um…aren’t finals in three weeks?”

“Don’t remind me.  I’m already behind schedule.”  Eliot gripped his hair by the roots and made a mental note to get some more aspirin from the store.  He had a feeling he was going to need a lot in the next month.  

Sam was still gaping at him.  “Okay, let me get this straight.  You’ve already written two of your five term papers - ”

“I was supposed to have three of them done by now, I'm behind on my schedule - ”

“ - and now you’re studying for your anatomy final which, from what you’ve told me, is in  _ three weeks  _ \- ”

“ - I still need to type up all my notes, and I haven’t made all the flashcards.  Not to mention the fact that my professor still hasn’t posted the study guide on his website -”

Sam held up his hand and Eliot paused mid-sentence.  “Okay, just - listen to me for a minute, buddy.  What grade do you have in anatomy right now?”

Eliot thought for a minute.  “A…ninety-six?”

“Yeah, definitely not low enough to justify this insanity.  I'm pretty sure you could bomb that final and still get an A."  

Eliot didn’t have a rebuttal to that one, especially considering Sam was right.  Eliot had calculated it.  Sam barreled on with his righteous rant.  "Now, on to much more important matters: you need a life, man.  It’s a really good thing that you have me.  I can’t believe how sad your college life would have been otherwise.”

Eliot felt mildly offended.  It must have shown on his face, because Sam grinned at him placatingly.  “But we won’t dwell on what could have been, right?  You have me, and therefore are not a social hermit.  Hey, what about that waitress?”

“What about her?”  Eliot frowned in confusion.

Sam winked saucily.  “There’s some anatomy you should be studying.”

Eliot felt his face suffuse with heat.  “That - you - I can’t believe this.  I’m going to leave now.  If anyone needs me for IMPORTANT THINGS, I’ll be at Alex and Riley’s place.”  He grabbed his shoulder bag and began stalking out of the room, Sam and Akela’s snickers following him.

“Your sex life is important to me, even if it isn’t to you!”

“THAT’S SOMETHING I NEVER WANTED TO HEAR THANK YOU AND GOOD-BYE!”  His friends’ maniacal cackling chased him out of the apartment as he slammed the door behind him.

* * *

 

When Eliot pulled up to the beach house, he only saw Riley’s little blue Volkswagen Bug in the driveway.  The door was unlocked, so he took Riley’s advice and just walked in.  Riley was sprawled out in what Eliot had determined was her armchair.  She glanced up at him and smiled sunnily when she noticed who it was.  

“Hey, Eliot!  What’s up?”

“Er, nothing, really.  Sam was making fun of me for not having a life or something.”

“For good reason.”

“Oh my god, can you people just let me rest?!  At this rate, I’ll be the only one of us who actually graduates from college!  Who cares if I don’t have a life?  I’m a pre-med!  None of us have lives!”  

Riley just squinted at him disbelievingly.  “While that may be partly true, you’re lucky enough to have a group of friends who loves and supports you and actually wants to see your handsome face more than once a month.”

Eliot blushed, but he couldn’t suppress a grateful grin.  “Thanks, Ri.  Hey, where’s Alex?  Is he in his room?”

“No, he’s at work.”

“Oh, really?  Where does he work?  I haven’t heard him say anything about it.”

Riley snorted.  “Where doesn’t he work?  He has two jobs during the year, and then he picks up another one during the summer.  During the week he works at a restaurant in town, and then on the weekends and some weekdays he helps out at one of those little touristy bookstores.”

“Why does he have to do all that?  He already double majors, I would think he’d be too busy to be able to work that much.”

Riley’s expression changed to one of disbelief.  “Are you seriously asking me that?  Some people aren’t as lucky as you and me, they actually have to work for their college education!”

For a second, Eliot was struck speechless with shock.  He quickly recovered, and as his voice returned so did fury, burning hot and violent in his gut.  “Lucky?  How dare you tell me that I’m  _ lucky?! _  I’m an  _ orphan _ .  My parents decided that they didn’t want me, so they dumped me in an overfull and understaffed orphanage in China.  I was sent to America to be adopted before the couple split up and decided they couldn’t handle a child.  I’ve been in more foster homes than I can count, and most of them were hell.  I was tossed out on my ass as soon as I aged out, and I only survived because I worked myself to the bone and applied for hundreds of scholarships, and finally got this one.  And you know what, you're right.  I don't have to work.  I don’t have to work because I have worked my ass off since the moment I learned that no one was going to help me.  I earned a full ride scholarship, not because I have a nice big trust fund or wealthy parents supporting me.  Everything I have I earned myself, and I will not let you discredit it, because I have been to hell and back to get to where I am today.”

Riley looked absolutely floored, jaw hanging open and eyes bugged out.  Immediately Eliot was struck with remorse.  “Oh my god, Riley, I’m so sorry for lashing out at you.  I know you didn’t know, and I shouldn’t have just - ”

He was cut off by the sound of Riley’s laughter.  “Don’t worry about it, man.  It was my fault for assuming.  It was worth it, though; I’ve never seen you that mad!”

“I’m sorry,” Eliot repeated, chagrined.

Riley shrugged.  “No big deal.  Hey, do you want to play Mario Kart until Alex gets back?”

“Sure thing.  Just a warning, I dominate at Mario Kart, so don’t be too disappointed when I completely destroy you.”

“Ha, maybe in your dreams!”  

Eliot laughed weakly, a huff of an exhale, and settled into his spot on the couch as Riley dug around for the controllers.

* * *

 

An hour later, Mario Kart had gotten boring, so Eliot and Riley had tried to raid the beach house fridge and realized there was nothing but stale graham crackers and two Go-Gurts.  Eliot had declared this unacceptable and dragged a weakly protesting Riley to the grocery store.  He tried to stick to the essentials, but he and Riley disagreed a bit on what exactly ‘essentials’ were.  

“Riley, we are not going to get five containers of frozen macaroni and cheese.  I don’t care how much you and Alex like it.  Believe it or not, I actually want you two to survive past age twenty-five without developing scrickets.”

“What the hell is  _ scrickets _ ?!”

“It’s a combination of scurvy and rickets.”

“I really don’t think that’s a thing.”

“I’m a pre-med, it’s a thing.  And you develop it by subsisting solely on frozen macaroni and cheese.”

Finally they managed to come to a tentative agreement (Riley snuck two containers of the macaroni into the cart, Eliot wordlessly grabbed a few packages of tofu.  Riley pouted).  They returned to the beach house where Eliot whipped up a tofu stir-fry with carrots, peppers and green onions.  Riley was hesitant to try it at first, but afterward casually conceded that it wasn’t too bad.  She went back for seconds.

After dinner, Riley washed dishes while Eliot pulled out a mixing bowl and measuring cups.  He began whisking and pouring ingredients, periodically smacking Riley’s hand away from the bowl whenever she got too close.  (“You’re going to get salmonella poisoning!”  “Like I care!  IF I DIE OF SALMONELLA POISONING I DIE HONORABLY!”  “You couldn’t die of salmonella, but you might wish you could once you had it.”)  Alex got home just as Eliot was pulling the cookies out of the oven.  

“Hey, Ri, since when do you - Eliot!”  Alex looked surprised, but in a good way.  “Hey, I didn’t know you were going to be here.  Did you make those cookies?  Well, obviously you did.  I know Riley didn’t because the house hasn’t been burned to the ground.”

“Hey!  I am a very responsible person and an excellent cook!”  
“You’re an excellent cook when the meal comes in a box and only requires three minutes in the microwave to prepare.”

“No one in this house appreciates my talents.”

“I can’t appreciate what I can’t see.”

Riley huffed good-naturedly and looked like she was about to retaliate violently, so Eliot stepped in.  “Yeah, I remember you saying that you liked chocolate chip cookies, and I was driving myself crazy without anything to do, so I recruited Riley to help me make a batch.”  He rubbed the back of his neck.  “They’re probably not as good as homemade cookies, but, you know.  Mediocre chocolate cookies are better than no chocolate chip cookies, I guess.”

Alex glanced up at him in surprise.  His cheeks were lightly dusted with pink.  After a beat, he fixed his eyes on the cookie sheet again.  “Wow, they’re right out of the oven, huh?”

Eliot smiled.  “Yeah, but be careful.  They’re kind of - ” Alex shoved an entire cookie in his mouth, with no obvious adverse effects “ …hot.”

Alex grinned back with his cheeks stuffed full of chocolate chip cookie, looking for the world like an oversized chipmunk.   _ A really cute oversized chipmunk, _ Eliot’s brain supplied unhelpfully.  “I’m okay, Eliot.  I’ve eaten so many cookies fresh out of the oven that I think my taste buds are dead.”

“Oh, that’s…worrying.”

Alex shrugged.  “Hey, it works for me.  Wow, these are really good!  I don’t know what you’re talking about, these aren’t mediocre at all.  They’re nice and soft too.  Cookies are always better than they’re kinda squishy.”

“Ha, well, I’m glad you like them.”

“Of course I do!  Oh, I almost forgot!  I have a book I think you would like, it’s called The Book Thief.  It’s like a historical fiction about World War II, and it’s narrated by Death.  That might sound weird, but it’s awesome, I promise.  I think I have it somewhere in my room, so I wanted to loan it to you.”  He started to walk down the hallway, realized Eliot wasn’t following him, and beckoned impatiently.  Eliot started and hastily tugged his oven mitts off.  Riley smirked at both of them.

Eliot wandered around Alex’s room with his hands in his pockets while Alex poked through his movie collection.  Eliot craned his neck to examine the dozens of photographs pasted all around the room.  He saw pictures of Riley and Akela, pictures people Eliot didn’t recognize but assumed were Alex’s family, a mother and a father with a younger girl who bore a faint resemblance to Alex.  And then other pictures - pictures of a girl, small and freckled and wild-haired.  She was in many of the pictures from what Eliot assumed to be before Alex had gone to college.  Strangely, however, there weren’t any pictures of Alex with the girl.  Actually, the closer Eliot looked, there weren’t any pictures of Alex with his family, either.  The few pictures that Eliot could see of Alex’s family were of his parents and his sister, or his extended family.  Some of the pictures included the mystery girl.   _ Who is she? _ Eliot wondered, a strange and unidentifiable feeling twisting in his chest.   _ Another family member?  His best friend?  His girlfriend?   _ He picked up a picture of the girl, grinning 

Lost in thought, he had neglected to notice that Alex had stopped his rummaging and had gone quiet behind him.  He turned, a question poised on his lips, when he noticed Alex’s stricken expression.  The other man’s face was grimly set and his lips pressed tightly together, but his pallor and the wariness behind his eyes belied his forced calm.  His hands were curled into trembling fists.

Eliot wavered for a moment, confused by this reaction.  Neither of them spoke as tension wrapped its crushing coils around the room.  

Finally he cleared his scratchy throat and asked the question.  “Who - who is she?  She seems...she seems like she’s really important to you.”

A brief flash of something, almost like confusion, flashed across Alex’s face and was gone as quickly as it came.  “She’s…I…”  He seemed to be struggling for words, before he finally choked out, “Her name was Isabel.”

Eliot’s eyes widened and he swallowed thickly.   _ Real nice going, Eliot.  Barge into his room and go through his things and then ask about his dead girlfriend.   _ “I - I’m sorry.” 

Alex chuckled wryly as he turned away, but pain glittered behind his eyes.  “It’s not your fault.”

Eliot frowned at his friend’s back.   _ That doesn’t mean I’m not sorry,  _ he didn’t say.   _ That doesn’t mean I don’t wish it hadn’t happened.  That doesn’t mean I think you deserve what has happened to you.   _ But all he could do was gaze at the back of Alex’s head and repeat, softly, “I’m sorry.”

Alex seemed to shake himself out of it as he turned around with his materials.  “It doesn’t matter.  It was a long time ago.  Come on, I have my stuff.”

He strode out of the room still not looking at Eliot.  Eliot glanced back one more time, at the wall covered in pictures with no subjects, images of a life without the person living it.  He couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of loss, but whether it was for Alex or himself he couldn’t tell.  He followed Alex into the living room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, thanks for 100 hits!! It's not a whole lot, but it's honestly more than I expected, so thank you guys! :) I'm very excited about how this story is going, so keep reading! 
> 
> As always, you can find me on Tumblr at @kiszmet.


	11. In Which Eliot Gets Some and Alex is Totally Fine Thank You Very Much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter warning for miscommunication and slowly breaking hearts...  
> No sex though in case you were worried! I would need a great deal of persuasion to ever write smut :P

Friday night found Eliot unprepared and twitching with nerves.  He knew objectively that he really didn’t have anything to worry about, Mika seemed like a sweet girl and he would be surrounded by his friends even if the date went wrong.  Well, calling it a  _ date _ might be too presumptuous of him.  It would be more like…a gathering.  A friendly get-together.  That he was bringing a date to.  Eliot flopped down on his bed and buried his head under a pillow with a groan.  God, he was so anxious that he was ready to vomit, and he hadn’t even left his dorm yet!  What was he supposed to do for the rest of the night?!   He sighed and pushed himself up onto his elbows so he could scrub his hands over his face.  There was still about a half hour left until he had planned on leaving to pick Mika up, and he had done everything he could besides actually getting in his truck and heading over to her apartment.  He was showered, dressed, cologned, and now had nothing to distract him from his rapidly approaching public humiliation.  

Sam, of course, thought it was the funniest thing ever.  

“Dude, it’s like you’ve never been on a date before.”

“Okay, first of all, it’s not technically a date, and second of all, you of all people know that I’m not really what you would call the most extroverted person.”

Sam snorted.  

Eliot flushed slightly.  “Don’t even star - ”

It was too late.  Sam was obviously gearing up for another round of his favorite sport (actually, the  _ only _ sport he enjoyed): Eliot-bashing.  There was no use in trying to stop him now that Sam was on a roll.  It would be better to just grin and bear it now.   Eliot sighed and rubbed his forehead wearily as the abuse continued. 

“ - and don’t even get me started on your  _ love life _ , Jesus Christ!   _ Nonexistent _ would not even  _ begin _ to cover that!  I mean, come on!”

“I’ve gone out with a few people.”

“Ha!  You mean you’ve gotten drunk and gotten laid.  That isn’t ‘going out’, Eliot, those are one-night stands.”

Eliot shrugged stiffly.  “What’s wrong with that?”

Sam gestured expansively.  “What’s wrong with that?!  What’s wrong with that is that it’s not  _ healthy _ , dude.  You have, like, three friends, and we all live in your dorm room.  Look, this is what you do in college.  You go on dates, you have fun, and maybe it doesn’t last forever but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it while you have it!”

“Okay, first of all, I have better things to do than have a series of short-lived flings that never result in anything - ”

Sam gasped in mock-offense and dramatically pressed his hand to his chest.  “I feel like that was a pointed remark, and I am terribly offended.”

“ - and second, don’t forget that I actually do have a date.  Tonight.  With a real live girl, who I should probably be picking up pretty soon.”

Sam patted his shoulder.  “Touché, touché.  I’m proud of you, man, I really am.  Hey, maybe Mika will change you for the better!”

Eliot huffed out a laugh.  “Unlikely.”

“Hey, I can always hope!”

* * *

 

Eliot pulled up at Mika’s apartment building ten minutes before six.  He started to open the door of his truck, but then he paused.  He was still technically early.  Would it be rude to just walk up and knock?  Would she be ready yet?  Would he be forced to sit awkwardly in her living room while she got dressed, or something?

His agonizing was cut short by a rap on the passenger window.  Mika was beaming at him from outside the truck, cheeks slightly flushed from the November chill in the air.

Eliot scrambled out immediately to greet her.  “Hey!  Sorry about sitting in front of your apartment like a creeper.”

Mika giggled.  “Oh, don’t worry about it!  I was ready when I saw you outside so I decided to come down early.  Anyway, I think it’s cute that you got here before six.”

Eliot flushed lightly.  “You look great, Mika.”  She did.  Her dark hair was pulled up in a messy bun with tiny braids woven in, and a brightly colored scarf accented her tawny skin.

She smiled at him.  “I could say the same thing to you, handsome.  Are we about ready to head out?”

“O-of course, yeah, okay!”  He opened the door for her as she climbed in, then jogged around to the driver’s side and set off.

* * *

 

By the time they reached the beach house, most of the others had already arrived.  Sam and Riley were already well on their way to tipsiness, and Akela was making the most of this opportunity to add to the blackmail folders they had on both of them.  Not that there wasn’t a great amount of material without that.

There were two other girls Riley had invited, Adrienne and Layla, who she introduced as two of her friends from the cheer squad.  They were both friendly and energetic, and he could see why Riley liked them so much.

“So who is this lovely person?”  Riley propped her hand on her chin and grinned slightly lecherously at Mika, who just beamed back good-naturedly.  

“Don’t even think about it, Ri.”  Eliot teased.  

Riley batted her eyes in an unconvincing impression of girlish innocence.  “Who, me?!”

“Yeah, nice try.  What would Anya think?”  Riley just winked at him. 

Mika broke in.  “Actually, I’m with Eliot tonight.  We met a few weeks ago at the restaurant I work at, and he asked me if I would like to come hang out with you guys tonight.  I hope that’s okay?”

An unidentifiable shadow lingered in Riley’s eyes, but she smiled brightly at Mika.  “Absolutely!  It’s great to meet you, uh…”

“Mika,”  Mika supplied, shaking Riley’s hand.  “And you’re Riley, right?  Eliot told me a little bit about you guys on the way over, and from what I’ve heard you all sound like wonderful people.”

“You’re absolutely right about that!”  Riley winked coquettishly.  “But I feel bad for monopolizing you!  Come on in, I’ll introduce you to the rest of the gang.”

The trio migrated into the living room, where Sam and Akela were sprawled out on the floor along with another man that Eliot recognized as Derek, one of Sam’s theatre friends.  Introductions were made and everyone was making pleasant conversation when the door opened and Alex walked in.  He looked exhausted, purple bags heavy under his eyes and copper hair windswept, but there was a cheerful smile on his face.  

“Hey, guys!  Sorry I’m late, my boss asked me to pick up an extra shift and I couldn’t really turn him down.”  He toed his sneakers off and hung up his coat before making his way into the living room.  “Oh, hey, were you guys waiting for me?  You didn’t need to do that.”

Riley bounded to her feet.  “Of course we did!  We couldn’t start without you.  We’re gonna play The Game of Things, do you want in?”

“Absolutely!”  Alex glanced around and seemed to notice for the first time that he didn’t recognize one of the faces in the group.  “Hi, I don’t think I’ve met you before.  What’s your name?”

“My name is Mika, I’m - ”

She was cut off my Sam, who was grinning conspiratorially.  “She’s Eliot’s daaaaaate!”  he cried in a singsong voice.

Alex’s expression went tight, and his smile suddenly looked more forced than it had a few seconds previously.  Eliot cut in before he could say anything, blushing furiously.  “No, she’s not, Sam!  I just thought she might want to come.”

“Sure, sure, whatever you say, token heterosexual.”  

“I’m not the token heterosexual!”  Eliot cried.

“Do you see any other straight people in this room?  No?  That’s what I thought.”

Their bickering was cut off by the sound of Alex’s voice.  “Oh, that’s right, I think I recognize you now.  You are the waitress at Rosaria’s, right?”  Alex’s smile was brittle and his eyes were were hard.

Mika gazed back at him coolly.  “That’s right, I am.”

Tension filled the room as the two of them glared at each other Sam, oblivious as ever, jumped back into the conversation.  “Okay, now that everyone’s friends can we get this game going already?”

Alex shook his head.  “You guys go ahead and play without me.  I think I’m just going to head to bed, I’m beat.”

Akela pouted.  “Aleeeeex!  We haven’t seen you  _ all day _ , at least play one round!  We miss you.  Soon enough we’re only going to see you in class!  At least play one round.”

Alex smiled tightly, but didn’t budge.  “Sorry, Akela.  I’ll make it up to you later.  Good night, everyone.  Nice meeting you, Mika.”

Mika raised her eyebrows in response as a chorus of disappointed  _ good night’ _ s followed Alex out of the room.  Sam was the first to recover, and promptly began handing out slips of paper to start the game.

Eliot frowned in disappointment, and looked over at Riley to gauge her reaction to the puzzling encounter.  That unidentifiable look was back, along with a glimmer of melancholy.  As soon as she caught him looking at her it was gone, replaced with her usual exuberant cheer.  He resigned himself to his confusion.

* * *

 

Overall, the night was a success.  They ended up watching Monty Python and the Holy Grail (“Too bad Alex didn’t stay up to watch the movie with us,”  Riley had remarked.  “This is one of his favorites.”)  It ended around eleven, and people started heading home.  Before Eliot could leave, Sam pulled him aside.

“Hey, man, I think I’m going to be staying at Akela’s tonight.”  He winked.

Eliot narrowed his eyes at him.  “...Okay, so?”

Sam shrugged, feigning casualness.  “Just thought I’d let you know that you’d have the room all to yourself tonight.”

Eliot punched his best friend, who yelped in surprise and immediately began rubbing his arm.  “Oh my god, Sam!”

“What?!  I’m sorry for being a  _ great roommate and best friend!” _

Eliot knew he was blushing.  “Whatever!  I’m not expecting anything!”

“Hey, just in case.  Now go take care of your girl.”

With one last _she’s not my girl!_ , Eliot was shoved out the door.  He rejoined Mika, who was standing on the porch waiting for him.  “Hey, sorry for making you wait.  Are you ready to go?”

“Look, Eliot, before this goes any further I would like to talk to you.”  Mika stopped him before they made it to his truck with a gentle hand on his arm.  

“Okay, sure.  What about?”

“About…this.  Us.”  Mika raised her eyes to meet his.  

He studied her for a few moments before breaking the contact, turning away to rub the back of his neck.  “Ha.  I thought maybe I would get further than the first date before having this conversation.”

“No, no, that’s not what I meant!  …Well, okay, maybe it was kind of what I meant.  But it’s not what you think!”

Eliot sighed.  Mika pressed on.  “Please, Eliot listen to me.  I like you, I really do.  I can tell you’re a great guy, and someone would be very lucky to have you as their boyfriend.”

“Let me guess, that someone isn’t you?”  His lips twisted wryly.

Mika smiled, small and sweet but not apologetic.  “I’m just not looking for a romance.”  Her grin turned more predatory.  “However, if you perhaps wanted to take me back to your place, I certainly wouldn’t argue.”

Eliot grinned back at her.  He bowed dramatically and flourished toward his truck.  “Well, gorgeous lady, if you would like to step into my luxurious carriage I can promise you one of the best nights of your life.”

Mika took his proffered hand and giggled when he kissed it, accepting his assistance as she stepped into the passenger seat.  “My good sir, that sounds absolutely delightful.”

They chatted amicably as Eliot drove them back to his place.  They had fallen into a comfortable silence when Mika said, “You know, it’s probably for the best that we aren’t dating, anyway.”

Eliot glanced over at her.  “Why is that?”

“Well, there’s already someone else who would really like to be able to date you.”

“What?  Who?”

Mika laughed, before she realized that he wasn’t teasing her.  “Um…are you serious?”

Eliot just frowned at her.

“Alex is obviously interested in you.”

Eliot chuckled uncomfortably.  “Yeah, sure, Mika.  Really, who’s the one that is supposedly into me?”

“I’m not joking, Eliot.”

“Look, I don’t know about Alex, but I’m not into - I’m not a - I’m not like that, okay, Mika?”

“I couldn’t care less if you were into guys, Eliot.  I mean, I’m bisexual, so I totally understand.  Plus I’m pretty sure most of your friends aren’t straight either.  I’m just saying, Alex is into you, and even though I don’t particularly care for the guy I have to admit you could do worse.  He seems like a good guy.”

Eliot clenched his teeth and smacked the steering wheel.   _ “I’m not like that! _ ”

“Okay!  Okay, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Eliot’s breaths came heavily for a few more moments before his heart rate began to slow and remorse crept in.  “I - I’m sorry, Mika.  I shouldn’t have blown up like that.  I…I don’t know what that was.”

Mika remained silent, and when he glanced over at the passenger side, her liquid eyes were dark and unreadable as obsidian.  

“I’m sorry.  Can - is it all right if we forget about this?” 

Mika nodded slowly.  “Of course.”  A lecherous smile spread across her face.  “We have other things to think about right now, anyway.”

Eliot tugged at his collar and gulped.  It was hot all of a sudden.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have given up on updating in any kind of organized pattern. Sorry about that. Anyway, I do have some good news. I was expecting my college environmental science class to be a drag, but it's been awesome - for writing in! So now for an hour on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I have time to work on this self-indulgent garbage you're welcome


	12. In Which Our Boys are Probably Doing Laser Tag All Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for ABSOLUTE MORONS WHO DON'T KNOW HOW TO INTERACT LIKE NORMAL HUMAN BEINGS and shameless references to cryptids

After the get-together on Friday night and Mika’s impromptu sleepover the night after, Eliot suddenly got swamped with a sudden onslaught of homework and projects.  His teachers seemed to have come to the sudden realization that yes, finals were coming up very soon, and now they were trying to cram as much of their curriculum as possible into these last few weeks of instruction.  As a result, Eliot was buried in an avalanche of assignments.  

On Thursday night, he was working on his chemistry assignment when Sam wandered into the room, drinking a Sprite and holding another unopened can.  He set it down on the desk and then hopped up himself, peering down at Eliot’s work.  

Eliot waited for a comment, and sure enough, after a few moments -

“Hey, do you want to go out with the gang tomorrow to play laser tag?”

Okay, that wasn’t exactly what he had expected.  He glanced down at the large pile of homework and study materials that he had accrued on his desk.  It would be a welcome break from the tedium of finals prep.  What the hell, Eliot decided.  He could take a break once in his life.  “Yeah, sure.  That sounds good.”

“Look, Eliot, I love you but you need to learn how to - wait, what?!”  Eliot raised an eyebrow at Sam, who had nearly fallen off the desk in his shock.  He looked absolutely elated.  “Whoa, I had no idea you would agree so easily.  I had this whole argument all planned out.  I was gonna bring my lawyer game on you and I didn’t even need to!”  He grinned toothily.  “This is gonna be awesome!”

* * *

 

The next day Eliot, Akela, and Sam all piled into Eliot’s truck and trundled off to the local laser tag place.  Eliot had invited Mika along as well, but she had begged off with the excuse that she was going home for the weekend.  

The three of them pulled up at the Laser Quest and were immediately greeted by Riley, who was practically bouncing with excitement.  Alex stood a few feet behind her with his arms crossed, but his stern posture was belied by his indulgent smile.

The five of them trooped into the building.  Riley, Akela, and Sam immediately began buzzing with anticipation and rushed over to the counter to register and choose their player names.  Eliot made to follow them, but he stopped when he felt a hand on his arm.  He turned to Alex, frowning.  Alex’s hands were shoved in his pockets and his shoulders were drawn up around his ears.  “Hey, I…I just wanted to.  Well, to apologize for last week.  I had a long day, and, I don’t know, something about Mika rubbed me the wrong way - not that there’s anything wrong with her!  I’m sure she’s a great person, I didn’t mean - ”

Eliot broke in to try to end Alex’s suffering.  He smiled gently.  “Don’t worry about it.  I completely understand.  I’m pretty terrible when I’ve had a bad day.”

Alex bit his lip, looking extremely relieved.  “So.  How did your date go?”

Eliot flushed.  “Um.”

Alex’s expression immediately turned to horror.  “Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!  Are you okay?  What happened?  I mean, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.  I just - ”

Eliot laughed.  “No, it’s nothing like that.  We just decided we’d be better off as…friends.”  For some reason, he was reticent about admitting to Alex that he and Mika were more than just  _ friends. _

He didn’t regret it, though, especially when Alex’s face lit up with relief and maybe - hope?  He didn’t have the time to ponder it, however, because Sam had returned and promptly dragged them off to decide their player names.  Eliot used his name, which caused Sam to complain loudly and at length that he was a “basic bitch without a creative bone in his entire body.”  Sam’s player name, on the other hand, was “Your Mom.”  

“So when I shoot someone, it’ll say ‘you got shot by Your Mom!’” he explained, obviously delighted by his own cleverness.  

Riley had wanted “The Thing That Goes Bump in the Night,” but that was too long, so she had settled for “Shadow Assassin.”  Akela opted for “Cupcake.”  

“Why would they choose that?”  Eliot asked Riley.  

Riley cackled.  “Oh, man, I keep forgetting that you’ve never played laser tag with us before.  So, Akela likes choosing cutesy code names so the obnoxious teenagers that we go up against think they’re not a threat.  Then, after Akela feels like they’ve been underestimated enough, they turn it around and completely  _ demolish _ everybody else.  They’ve won by a landslide in every game of laser tag that I’ve seen them play.  It’s incredible.”  Akela was completely oblivious to their conversation, flirting shamelessly with Sam.  They were wearing a pink poodle skirt and an oversized bow in their hair, and definitely did not look the part of a ruthless laser tag god.  Eliot eyed them with newfound respect.  

Alex was the last to choose his code name.  When he stepped back, the screen added the name “Mothman.”  

“What?  Cryptids are cool.”

“And you’re a huge nerd.”  Riley knocked her shoulder against her best friend’s in fond exasperation.  “Come, my merciless murder machines.  Let’s kick some teenage ass.”

“I don’t really think that’s the point of the game,” Eliot remarked offhandedly as he was shoved into the vestibule.

They all chose their vests and laser guns.  An obviously bored employee began to explain the rules of the game in a monotone in between loud snaps of her gum.  Sam and Riley quickly lost interest in the lecture and began hissing smack-talk at each other.  Eliot amused himself by listening to them before Alex nudged him.

“Have you ever played laser tag before?”  Alex whispered.  

“Maybe once or twice, I think?  Definitely not often.”

Alex pretended to examine his nails casually.  “Oh, I see.  I thought it might actually be a bit satisfying when I totally own you at this game, but I guess I was wrong.  What a shame.”

Eliot narrowed his eyes.  “Just keep thinking like that, pal.  I may not have the experience that you do, but I bet you I’ll make up for it in sheer talent.  I can’t wait to see your face when I kick your butt, pretty boy.”

Alex’s eyes widened in surprise and Eliot cursed his quick tongue as he felt his face grow warm.  “I - sorry, I didn’t mean - ”

Then the buzzer sounded signalling the beginning of the game, and Alex gave Eliot one last glance from over his shoulder before everyone scattered.  Eliot’s gun beeped out a fifteen-second countdown before the players could start shooting.

The laser tag arena was dark except for the blacklights embedded all over the ceiling and the purple and green strobes constantly circling above them.  They illuminated strangely-shaped walls and shorter obstacles for players to hide behind.  Ramps in the corners of the arena led up to two raised platforms on either side of the room.  A fog machine pumped smoke into the air and gave the entire arena an unearthly aura. 

Eliot managed to creep up one of the ramps to the second story of the arena without getting tagged.  He rushed around a corner, gun raised, and breathed a sigh of relief when it was unoccupied.  He pressed himself up against the wall to catch his breath while he thought up a new strategy.  It would be smart to stay up here and retain the higher ground. It would be pretty easy to act as a sniper, picking people off from above and ducking back into his safe corner before they even knew where the shot had come from.  The only danger, however, was the chance that someone else had come up with the same plan.  Eliot would have to be careful. 

He crept around the corner warily.  There was no one in sight, but he reminded himself not to let down his guard.  His feet carried him silently as he ghosted around corners and oddly-shaped obstacles searching for a good vantage point.  Finally he located one, where he could see a good portion of the arena but still have several books to dart into in case anyone came looking for him. He surveyed his new kingdom one final time before -

ZZZZZZWOOOoooo _ oop! _

Eliot started as his vest vibrated and the lights blinked out.  Instinctively, he spun on his heel to locate the person who had shot him.  Standing before him was Alex, flushed and panting lightly.  His hair was damp with sweat and a few strands clung to his forehead.  His mouth was quirked up in a mischievous smirk.  Eliot’s mouth suddenly went dry.  

He quickly cleared his throat after a silence just long enough to be considered awkward. “Hey!”  He hefted his laser gun in preparation for when it came back online in about ten seconds. 

Alex threw up his hands, laughing.  “Wait, don’t shoot me!  I want to make a deal.”

Eliot narrowed his eyes curiously but kept his gun raised.  “What kind of deal?”

Alex sidled closer.  “I think we should team up.”

“O-oh, you do, do you?”

Alex just nodded slowly.

Eliot pretended to think it over.  “Well, if  _ you _ think so, then I suppose I have no choice.”

Alex met his gaze with an appraising smile.  The lights behind him gave him an unearthly glow, suffusing him in a halo of purple and green.  Eliot swallowed hard.  “I guess it’s settled.”

They quickly worked out a plan: Alex would dart out into the open to pick off people who were daring or foolish enough to infringe on their territory, while Eliot would back him up and provide cover from behind his wall, as well as take occasional potshots at the people running around below them.  

This strategy was effective - at least until Alex dove over a low wall and scrambled for cover.  

“What’s going on?”  Eliot asked.

Alex waited until his breaths slowed down and then panted, “There’s a big group coming up the ramp on the left side.  I didn’t think I could take them all by myself.”

“Okay, then let’s take these suckers down together.”

The other man’s grin was sharp and dangerous.  “I like the way you think.”

And so they set their plan into action.  Alex slipped around to the back of the group as Eliot set himself up in a sheltered corner.  The group of about five teenagers came into sight, laughing and joking confidently.  Eliot guessed they didn’t think there would be anyone else on the second level, but they were about to be proven very wrong.  He waited for a few seconds in tense expectation, waiting for the signal.

“GET ‘EM, GUYS!”  

Alex’s shout startled the teenagers, and Eliot stifled a laugh when he saw at least two of them visibly jump.  He immediately opened fire on them from the front while Alex began shooting from behind at the same time.  Eliot could vaguely see Alex’s silhouette darting through the smoky air.  

The teenagers were obviously unprepared for the sudden ambush they had stumbled into.  It didn't help that they couldn't see their attackers, and thanks to Alex’s cry and the way the smoke concealed their positions, the teenagers had no idea how many people were actually surrounding them. 

Eliot and Alex each took out two people in quick succession without getting hit.  The remaining boy shrieked and turned tail, sprinting back down the ramp.  His buddies apparently decided that he had the right idea and raced after him. 

Eliot pumped his fist in victory.  He dragged his sleeve across his face, and when he looked it was damp with sweat.  He grimaced.  He would definitely need a shower as soon as they got back to campus.  When he looked up again Alex was flying toward him. 

He had a split second to brace himself before Alex had hurled himself into Eliot's arms.   Eliot was so shocked that he could do little more than stand there still as a statue. Luckily, Alex didn't seem to notice. He released Eliot, laughing giddily. “Oh my gosh, it worked! Wow, I kind of didn't think it would. We're so cool! That was totally  _ sick!” _

Eliot shook off his surprise and grinned widely at his friend. “Yeah, I think we make a pretty good team. We should join forces more often.”

Alex beamed back at him. “Maybe we should.”  Eliot noticed, a bit distractedly, that Alex’s face was still very close to his.  So close that Eliot could see the freckles sprinkled across his nose in great detail.  Alex’s eyes were so dilated that the blue-green of his irises were a thin ring nearly swallowed up by the pupils.  Eliot couldn't tell if it was because of the dim lights or something else.  It was hard for him to think all of a sudden.  It felt like he had been staring directly into Alex's _(gorgeous, alluring)_ eyes for a long time now.

“Did you mean it?”  Alex had very long eyelashes.  Right now he was peering demurely up at Eliot through them, waiting for a response. 

Eliot blinked stupidly.  He tried to clear his throat.  “Ahem.  D-did I...did I mean what?”

Alex swayed a fraction of an inch closer and Eliot’s breath caught in his throat.  “When you said I'm pretty.  Did you mean it?”

“Yes,” he breathed.  His answer was automatic, the word/unconscious admission falling sweet and unbidden from his lips. He immediately flushed, but Alex’s smile grew infinitesimally, as if he could tell even through the smoky haze of the arena.  Or perhaps he was close enough to feel the sudden heat radiating from Eliot’s face.

Alex stepped impossible closer so that their bodies were centimeters away from each other.  Eliot’s heart was pounding with exhilaration and fear.  The redhead laid one hand flat against Eliot’s chest for balance so he could raise himself up onto his tiptoes and lean up so their cheeks were nearly touching.  Eliot shivered as Alex’s warm breath ghosted across the delicate shell of his ear.

“Well, as they say, all’s fair in love and war,  _ pretty boy.” _

ZZZZZZWOOOoooo _ oop! _

Before Eliot’s brain could even begin to register what had just happened, he caught a glimpse of a Cheshire Cat-like grin and the warm press of Alex’s body was replaced by a sudden rush of cool air.  

Eliot remained frozen for a few more seconds to process things, then looked dumbly down at his previously-blinking vest.  He stumbled back against the wall as his ears roared with the adrenaline coursing through his system.  His head was spinning and his mind was buzzing at a million miles an hour.  Just then the lights in the arena came back up and his laser gun beeped at him, marking the end of the game.

Well, his life had certainly become more interesting after meeting Alexander Vance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoooo boy it's been too long since I updated this. In any case, the next chapter should be up sooner because I have a good idea of how it's going to go (And it will be a doozy. Be very afraid.) so I hope I can finish it pretty quickly. Anyway, hooray for breaking 20,000 words!!


	13. In Which Bad Things Happen That Probably (Definitely) Could Have Been Avoided if Some People Could Communicate Like Adults

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for mild sexual content, more miscommunication, boys being idiots

Several days after the laser tag outing, Eliot still had no idea what to think of the whole affair. The vents of that night kept playing over and over in his head. He had examined it from every angle, or so he thought, but he still couldn't make any sense of it. Eventually he got sick of thinking about it and searched desperately for a distraction, any distraction that could take his mind off that night and the headache associated with it. 

 

**ELIOT LI:** Hey

**MIKA HUNT:** hi what's up? 

**ELIOT LI:** Nothing much, just overthinking things. Any chance you're free tonight?

**MIKA HUNT:** ya I think I am! should I bring a toothbrush? ;)

**ELIOT LI:** Why the hell not. 

 

Mika arrived about half an hour after Eliot's text.  He let her in with a smile.  “Hey, nice to see you! Do you want some water or some -  _ mmrph _ !”  Mika cut him him off with a vicious kiss and Eliot's hands moved automatically to grip her hips.  She finally released him and they both stared at each other, panting hard. 

“Well, I guess that answers that question,” Eliot said wryly after a few seconds had passed.  Mika just growled and pulled him down into another bruising kiss, drawing an involuntary whine out of him.  She led him backward toward his bed. 

Mika tugged her shirt over her head and dropped it on the floor beside the beanbag.  Eliot quickly followed suit, shedding his worn t-shirt and jeans.  Mika pushed him back until the backs of his thighs collided with the bed behind him, then gave him another hard shove that landed him flat on his back on top of the comforter.  She lost no time in climbing on his thighs and capturing his mouth in a deep, demanding kiss. 

Once Mika was comfortably situated on top tugged her hairband out of her ponytail with a flourish.  Eliot could feel his heart speed up as she shook it out and he immediately buried his hands in her dark hair. He noticed her pupils dilate further with lust and then she was upon him again. 

They sealed their mouths together with carnal desperation.  He traced her lips with his tongue and she let it slip inside her mouth She bit his bottom lip so hard that it drew blood.  He moaned brokenly. 

“Hey Eliot, Lance said you were here and that if the door was unlocked I should just come in.  Do you -  _ oh. _ ”

Eliot and Mika sprang apart, both breathing heavily.  Alex was standing in the doorway to Eliot and Sam’s room.  Eliot could almost picture what he was seeing: the two of them flushed and sweaty and half-naked, Mika's lithe body pinning Eliot to the bed.  Alex looked shocked; in a split second embarrassment, hurt and anger flashed across his face.  But before Eliot could say anything his expression shuttered, changing to a blank mask.  “Well. I didn't realize I was interrupting something.  I'll guess I'll just....” 

He gestured vaguely behind him and quickly vanished back through the doorway.  Mika shrugged and wasted no time in recapturing Eliot’s mouth in an impatient kiss. 

He pushed her off with a growl.  She made a small noise of surprise and pouted. “What are you doing?”

Eliot scowled at her.  “What do you think I'm doing?”

“So what?  He left, we have no reason not to continue.”  She leaned back in but he shoved her away again, shaking his head. 

“No, I have to…I have to explain - ”

“What is there to explain?”  Mika sat up properly, shoving her hair out of her face, and huffed in irritation.  “We were about to have sex, he saw us, and then he left so we could do what I came here to do.”

Eliot grit his teeth in frustration.  “I can't…I don't know!  I just - I just need to  _ talk to him,  _ okay?!”

Mika leaned back, studying him with an unreadable face and fathomless obsidian eyes.  Finally, she said, “Okay.”

Eliot sighed in relief and rubbed his face with both hands.  He stood up and started backing toward the door.  “Thank you, Mika.  I'm glad you unders - ”

“ _ But  _ I won't be here when you get back.”

Eliot's head snapped back toward her.  “What?!”

She met his gaze coolly.  “Just stay here. He can wait.”

Eliot swallowed hard and hesitated for a long moment.  “I - I'm sorry, Mika.  I have to talk to him.”

He grabbed his shirt and turned away before he could catch a glimpse of her expression. 

Alex wasn't in the hallway when Eliot got out of the dorm room.  Deciding that the elevator would take too long, Eliot opted for the stairs. He caught up to Alex as he was striding toward the doors to the dorm building. 

“Alex, wait!”

The red-haired man started, and then began to walk faster. 

“Alex, please, hear me out, okay?  I need to explain - ”

He laughed bitterly but didn't turn around.  “Oh no, you  _ really  _ don't need to.  In fact, I believe it was extremely self-explanatory.”

“Will you just stop walking and  _ talk to me?!” _

Alex spun to face him.  His face was stormy.  “What do you want to talk about, Eliot? The fact that you shamelessly lied to my face?  Or do you do that with all of your  _ friends?” _

The last word was spat with so much vitriol that Eliot physically took a step back.  He recovered and glared at Alex.  “You know what, you have no right to judge who I do or do sleep with.  Actually, why does it even matter to you?  Why do you care?”

“Why do I  _ care?!   _ Haven't you - I thought- ”  He searched Eliot's face desperately, searching for something that he obviously didn't find, because his expression crumpled.  He tore his gaze away and hugged his arms tight around his chest.  His eyes looked strangely bright.  He blinked  “I…never mind.  It doesn't matter what I thought.”  He took a deep breath and shook his head.  “It looks like I was wrong.”

Eliot didn't know how to respond.  All he could do was watch as Alex marched out of the dorm building.  

Eliot's shoulders slumped.  What had just happened?  He felt - he didn't know what he felt, but it definitely wasn't anything good.  All he knew was that watching Alex walk away from him hurt and he couldn't imagine why. 

After a few more seconds of staring at nothing he admitted defeat and walked back to his empty room. 

Except it wasn't empty. 

“Mika? What are you doing here?”  He winced, realizing how it sounded.  “Sorry, I meant - did you change your mind?”

Mika had put her clothes back on and was sitting at Eliot's desk.  “No.  How did things go with Alex?”

Eliot sat down heavily on the bed.  He dropped his face into his hands and groaned. 

“That good, huh?”

Eliot rubbed his eyes wearily.  “He wouldn't listen to me.  He was majorly pissed off because I told him you and I were just friends.”

“Why does it matter?  Now he knows.  He'll get over it.”

“Mika, you don't get it - ”

The look Mika gave him was long and considering.  “No, I think you're the one who doesn't get it.  I like you, I really do.  But I'm not going to let myself get dragged around by someone who doesn't appreciate me. I'm not okay with being your second choice, Eliot. I deserve better than that.”

“What do you mean?  You're not my second choice!”

“Really? Then why did you choose Alex over me?”  Eliot tried to form an argument, but he couldn't come up with anything.  Mika took his silence as the answer it was.  “I'm sorry.  I think you're a good person and I hope we can be friends again someday, but for now I think you have some things to think about.  And I think there’s someone you should really talk to before you hurt him any more.”

She stood up and hesitated before walking over to him and pressing a gentle kiss to his cheek.  Then she left. 

Eliot heard the door click shut behind her.  It sounded like a condemnation.  

How could things have gone so wrong in such a short time?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow okay this was far more smutty than anything I've ever written in my entire life. That might be kind of sad but w/e. Anyway if I got anything wrong please tell me because I'm ace as heck and I've never actually kissed anyone before, rip 
> 
> Come chat me up on Tumblr at @kiszmet !!


	14. In Which Copious Amounts of Alcohol are Consumed and - Well, I Think You Can Guess Where This is Heading

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for alcohol and negative thoughts/mental illness

Alex hadn’t texted him back.  

Eliot wasn't surprised.  He was disappointed, but he had to admit he wasn’t really surprised.  Alex had seemed pretty upset the last time they had talked.  Still, Eliot had hoped that Alex might have forgiven him for…whatever he’d done.

What had he done?  Days later, Eliot was still mystified.  Sure, he hadn’t been entirely truthful about his relationship with Mika, but he didn’t think it warranted such a dramatic response.  Besides, Alex had seemed more upset with the fact the Eliot had been sleeping with Mika in the first place and less that Eliot had lied to him.

And then there was everything that had happened with Mika after that.  True to her word, she had broken it off with the stipulation that they should talk after Eliot had worked things out with Alex.  But what was there to work out?  How could he fix things with Alex if he didn’t even know what he had done?  And how could he even talk to the man when Alex couldn’t even be bothered to answer his texts? 

Eliot leaned back in his desk chair.  He felt sick.  He had somehow managed to destroy two relationships in one fell swoop, and he still didn’t even know how he had done it.

_ You shouldn’t really be surprised, _ an insidious little voice in his head whispered.   _ They’re leaving you.  You screwed it up again and they have finally seen you for what you are: a useless waste of space who can’t help but destroy everything you touch.  That’s it, isn’t it?  You know I’m right.  It’s why everyone leaves you.  Alex, Mika… Emmett.  You remember him, don’t you?  You remember why he left? _

Eliot gritted his teeth.  

_ Of course you do.  He left because of you.  He left because you’re a freak.  He left just like Alex and Mika are leaving you.  And can you blame them?   _

Eliot pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes until he saw lights behind his eyelids, but the voice didn’t go away. 

_ Of course not.  You understand.  _ You _ would probably leave you if you could. At least they're free now.  Alex and Mika, I mean.  They've realized what you are and they're getting out.  Like rats fleeing a sinking ship.  That's what you are, you know. Destructive.  Broken.  Useless.  Soon enough Riley will realize it, and Akela, and Sam, and they will be gone too.  It's for the best, really.  You care about them, don't you?  You don't want to drag them down with you.  You're a burden and you know it.  _

“Shut  _ up! _ ” Eliot snarled.  He deliberately unclenched his fists and examined his palms critically.  His nails hadn’t drawn blood this time, but the had left stinging white crescent-shaped marks in the pale skin.

“Huh?  Are you talking to me?  What did I do?”  Sam poked his head through the doorway. 

Eliot took a deep breath and tried to stop his body from trembling like a leaf.  Or at least stop any noticeable trembling.  “Nope, just talking to myself! Nothing to worry about.” He smiled weakly at Sam.

It obviously wasn't very convincing, because Sam’s brow wrinkled slightly and concern was reflected in his chocolate-brown eyes.  Still, e didn't push the issue.  Living with Eliot for so long meant Sam had to be willing to let some things go, despite how badly he wanted to ask.  Instead he just sighed.  “Well, all right then.  Oh, that’s what I wanted to ask you.  You’re still going out with me tonight, right?”

Eliot looked blankly at his friend.

Sam sighed.  “You forgot, didn’t you?”

“...Er, no?”  Eliot had forgotten.  

The other man shook his head in exasperated amusement. “Whatever.  You're still coming, right?”

Eliot considered it for a minute. It would do him some good to get out of the dorm room. He  _ had  _ promised Sam a while ago that he would go out. 

Plus it was very hard to say no to Sam’s puppy eyes. He looked like a Labrador puppy when he made that face, and Eliot had always been a sucker for dogs. “Yeah, I'll be come with you.”

Sam bounced excitedly on his heels, clapping his hands. “Yay! Good, ‘cause I've already laid out clothes for you.”  He darted back through the doorway, still beaming.  “This is going to be so fun!”

Eliot glared at his best friend’s retreating back before remembering that it was pointless to try to stay angry with him.  He was just too well-intentioned.

Well, he really should get out of his room more often.  This would just be a little bit of bar-hopping, maybe Sam would find someone who caught his fancy and Eliot would be able to head home early.

It couldn’t be too bad, right?

* * *

 

It was bad. It was so very, very bad.  

The night had started out like a lot of other excursions Sam had dragged Eliot out on before: Sam was an instant hit and within minutes gorgeous people of all genders were orbiting him as if his smile held the sun, while Eliot ordered something very alcoholic and soaked up the energy of the people around him.  Occasionally someone would come up to him in an attempt to talk him up or tempt him to a dance, to which he would politely decline.  He was mostly fine with this situation, as it kept the pressure off him and gave him an excuse to drink heavily in public without being pitiful.  

Then the night took a dramatic downward turn.

He was well on his way to happily drinking himself into oblivion - well, maybe not happily, but that’s just semantics.  In any case he was perfectly satisfied with the way his night was leading and anyone who claimed otherwise was lying.

And anyone who said he was drunk was also lying.

In any case, he was hell-bent on becoming very intoxicated and had decided that nothing would stop him - and then Alex walked in.

Wait,  _ what?!  _

He shouldn’t be here, how could he have found Eliot?!  Had he planted some kind of nefarious tracking device in Eliot’s shoe or something?  

Eliot wasn’t quite drunk enough to check.  He should really remedy that.  And he should do it before Alex noticed him.  

Then Riley tumbled through the doorway after her best friend.  Soon after that Akela followed, scanning the club as if they were searching for someone.  Ah, that explained it.  Lance must have invited Akela and, by extension, their housemates.  

Sure enough, Eliot spied Sam pushing his way through the crowd to greet the newcomers.  He treated Akela to a brilliant grin and offered them his arm as they proceeded to the bar.  Eliot chuckled dryly, noticing the disappointed and spiteful looks directed toward Akela from the men and women who had previously been hanging on Sam’s every word.

Alex split off from the group and maneuvered through the packed dance floor to reach the bar.  Eliot did his best to fade into the shadows as the redhead ordered a drink.  The bartender slid a drink across the table and  Alex immediately threw it back, throat working as he swallowed.  Eliot watched in confusion.  Hadn’t Riley said Alex didn’t like alcohol?  

He quickly forgot about the drink when he saw Alex turn toward the dance floor and jump into the fray.  He was immediately and seamlessly absorbed into the pulsing mass.  

Eliot couldn’t tear his eyes away from the image of Alex moving so fluidly among the other dancers, jeans sinfully tight and the sweat sheening his body only serving to make his skin glow.  Alex's eyes flickered over to the corner Eliot was cloistered in and he decided he couldn't take it anymore. He needed some air. 

Eliot sat down heavily on the stoop outside the club.  He raised his beer up to his mouth until the rim rested on his bottom lip, but didn’t drink.  His hand hovered in the air for a moment before he set the bottle down on the step beside him.  Suddenly he didn’t feel like drinking anymore.  Instead he just sat, trying to spot stars that weren’t obscured by clouds or light pollution and observing the occasional passerby. 

He didn’t know how long he had sat there by the time he heard the door behind him open and click shut.  He scooted closer to the railing to let the person pass, only to be surprised when they instead chose to sit down next to him on the step.

When he glanced to the side he saw freckles like constellations and red hair turned bronze by the club’s cheap fluorescent lights.  He briefly closed his eyes in the thought - maybe the hope - that he was imagining things, but when he reopened them Alex was still sitting on the stoop next to him, so close that Eliot could feel his warmth and count the gold flecks in his dilated irises.  Alex’s cheeks were flushed with the heat of the dance floor and the alcohol he had been drinking.  

“Hi.”

Eliot swallowed dryly.  “Hey.”

Alex was smiling at him.  Not mean, not sarcastic, not self-deprecating.  Just a genuine, warm smile.  For some reason its sincerity made Eliot even more uncomfortable.  

“Er…how are you doing?  You haven’t answered any of my texts.”  Eliot winced.  He hadn’t meant to say that.

Alex didn’t seem ruffled, though.  He tilted his head in thought, gazing up at the sky.  “No, I didn’t.  I was hurt.  I am hurt.  You hurt me.”  He looked back at Eliot.  Still it wasn’t accusing, just open and wounded, maybe even a bit betrayed.  Like a deer that had mistakenly placed its trust in a hunter, Eliot’s mind supplied nastily.

Eliot didn’t know how to respond.  Luckily Alex kept going before he could formulate an answer. 

“I probably shouldn’t have expected anything else.  I mean, I saw you with Mika.  It was my fault, thinking that the laser tag thing meant anything to you.”  Alex was examining the concrete between his feet.  His hands unconsciously gripped his upper arms as he shrank in on himself.  “It was stupid.  ‘Cause you’re straight.  You’re straight, right?”  Alex sighed.  “I’m so stupid.  Stupid, stupid, stupid.  I can’t believe myself.  No, actually, I really can.  This is just my luck, to like a straight guy.”

Eliot’s mouth went dry.  “Y-you…you  _ like  _ me?”

Alex giggled drunkenly and rolled his eyes.  “ _ Ob _ viously.  Like I didn’t make it clear.  Why else did you think I was so mad about Mika?  I was  _ jealous,  _ silly.  I feel - I don’t know what I feel.  It’s weird.  I like you a  _ lot.   _ Isn’t it funny?  I like you, and you already have someone else.  And she’s, like, super hot and stuff.  Well, if you’re into that.  I’m not.  And you’re not into guys.  It’s prob’ly unfair of me, but I can’t help it.  I’m still jealous.”  He frowned.  “Wait, no, that’s not right.  Jealousy is when something should be yours.   _ Envy _ is when you wish you had something that belongs to someone else.  I’m  _ envious.   _ There’s a difference,” he said seriously, wagging a finger in Eliot’s face.  Eliot went cross-eyed.  “I would know.  I’m an English major.”

Eliot was so stunned that he had to remind himself to keep breathing.  “I think you’re drunk.”

Alex rolled his eyes again.  “Again, thaaaank  _ you,  _ Captain Obvious.  Next you’ll be telling me that the Earth is round.”  He laughed so hard that he tipped sideways and ended up leaning against Eliot’s shoulder.  He rubbed his face in the soft fabric of Eliot’s shirt mindlessly, eyelids fluttering.  

Eliot was very disconcerted.  He had always assumed from the way Alex treated him that the man didn’t like physical contact, and yet here he was practically glued to Eliot’s arm.  Maybe he was just that drunk.  Which reminded him… 

“Er…Alex?  Why are you drunk, again?  Riley told me you don’t like alcohol.”  Eliot asked as he delicately propped Alex up so he wasn’t pressed all the way against Eliot.

Alex shrugged and hummed.  He didn’t seem to mind his removal from Eliot’s shoulder.  “I don’t like alcohol.  It tastes nasty and it smells bad.  But I wanted to get drunk and alcohol is the best way to do that!”  He sounded very proud of himself for reaching that conclusion, which surprised a laugh out of Eliot.

Alex stared at him, leaning closer and closer until his nose was nearly touching Eliot's.  “You should do that more often.”

Eliot returned his gaze, a little uncomfortable with the close scrutiny.  “…Do what?”

“Laugh.”

“I laugh.  I laugh a lot.”

Alex didn’t dignify that with a response.

“Well, I - I laugh a normal amount!  I’m - it’s perfectly normal.  How much I laugh.  _ I’m  _ perfectly normal.”

Alex studied him.  “No, I don’t think you are.”

“Wh-what do you mean, of course I a - ”

He was cut off by the feeling of fingers on his jaw.  Alex’s eyes were intense and unreadable.  “I don’t think you’re normal.  I think you’re exceptional.  I am totally convinced that you, Eliot Li,” he punctuated this with a gentle tap on Eliot’s nose, “are an incredible human being.  An’ I think you don’t know that, an’ you think you don’t deserve to be happy or whatever, but I know you do.  I can see it, even if you can’t.  I bet Mika can too.  Does she make you laugh?  Does she make you happy?”  

Alex was now clutching Eliot’s hand with an iron grip.  His entire countenance was genuine.  

_ He truly wants me to be happy,  _ Eliot thought dumbly.  The realization danced up his spine like a spark.   _ He isn’t bitter, he just wants me to be happy.  What do I tell him?  Am I?   _ “I - I don’t know - ”

The door burst open behind them and Riley’s tousled blonde head popped through the doorway.  “There you are, Alex.  I've been looking all over for you.  Oh, hey, Eliot!  Sam said you came with him.  I was wondering why I never saw you.  Having fun?”  She didn't wait for a response, instead turning her attention back to Alex.  “You look like you’re ready to head out, bud.” 

Alex grabbed Eliot's arm and buried his face in Eliot's shoulder again, shaking his head.  “Nooooooo! I don't want to leave yet!  I wanna stay with Eliot.  He's warm.  An’ he smells nice.”  He looked up at Eliot with those wide blue-green eyes.  Up close like this Eliot could see that they weren’t green at all, but a yellow ring around the iris that faded into a clear blue.  They looked like sunflowers floating in a pool.  “You smell nice.”

Eliot's head was spinning with Alex's words and proximity. “Er… you smell nice too. I - I mean I - it's pretty late. You should probably go home with Riley.”

A smirk grew slowly over Alex's face.  “What if I want to go home with  _ you?” _

Eliot flushed and opened his mouth, but didn't have a chance to answer before Riley interrupted. “Hey, that's actually a good idea!  Sam told me that you usually like going home early anyway, so you can take Alex back to our place and then head back to the dorms.”

Eliot almost said  _ I don't think that's what he meant,  _ but decided that he would definitely rather have that conversation with the best friend of the man who was currently trying to permanently weld himself to Eliot’s arm.  Instead he sighed.  “Okay, I will.”

Eliot called an Uber to take them back to the beach house and tried to wrangle Alex inside.  By now Alex was much more sedate but also  _ much  _ clingier.  Eliot was starting to forget how he had ever thought Alex was touch-averse in the first place.  This Alex reminded him more of a koala.  Or a barnacle.  

Alex was also sleepy enough that Eliot decided it would be easier to just carry him to his bed.  As soon as Eliot picked him up in a princess carry Alex wrapped his arms around Eliot and buried his face in Eliot’s neck.  He inhaled deeply and made a contented sound.  Eliot felt his face grow warm.  “Ooookay, let’s get you to bed.  I have a feeling you are going to seriously regret this in the morning.”  Alex just hummed in response, a pleasant rumble deep in his chest.

Eliot made it to Alex’s room without any problems, partly because Alex weighed a hundred pounds soaking wet.  He gently sat the man down on the edge of the bed and let Alex crawl under the navy blue coverlet with another satisfied murmur.  Alex’s eyes quickly slipped closed.  Eliot stood up to leave, but before he could he felt a hand around his wrist.  

Alex was gazing up at him with a heartbreakingly imploring look.  “Are you leaving?  Don’t leave.  Please?”  He tugged ineffectually at Eliot’s wrist with an easily breakable grip, but Eliot found he didn’t have the heart to leave in the face of Alex’s pleading.  He sat down again on the bed.

“No, not like that.  C’mere.”  Before Eliot knew how it had happened Alex had maneuvered him into a supine position with his arm thrown haphazardly over Eliot’s stomach.  Alex sighed happily and nuzzled into Eliot’s chest.  

Alex’s breathing slowed and started to even out.  Eliot waited until he was sure Alex was asleep before he delicately prised himself out of Alex’s grip and made his way to the door.

“It scares me.”

Eliot paused and glanced toward the bed.  Alex was looking at him blearily through tangled copper bangs.  The sight made Eliot’s heart twist with some emotion he didn’t want to think about.  “W-what?”

Alex’s voice was ponderous and slightly raspy from alcohol and exhaustion.  “How I feel about you.  It scares me.  I can’t - I can’t remember feeling like this about anyone else, ever, and I’m terrified.  I know nothing will ever come of it because you’re not into me and you have Mika anyway, but I’m scared because I’ve never fallen for anyone before and I have a feeling it would be way too easy for me to fall for you.”  He let his gaze drop to the ground and seemed to curl in on himself.  Eliot had to strain to hear the next words.  “I don’t want to get my heart broken.”

Something cracked inside Eliot.  Before he could think his feet had carried him to the bed and he knelt by the bed.  Alex peered up at him through his eyelashes and Eliot instinctively cupped Alex’s cheek in his palm, his thumb mindlessly stroking the incredibly soft skin under his fingers.  “I…I’m so sorry, Alex.  I don’t want to break your heart either, but - I'm scared too,” he croaked.  The admission hurt. 

Alex closed his eyes and smiled gently.  “It’s fine.  I understand.”  He rolled over and was out like a light.

Eliot remained frozen for a few more seconds.  He stood up in a daze and started to leave when something stopped him.  He turned back and impulsively pressed a kiss to the tousled copper hair before fleeing.

He stepped out onto the porch and relished the bracing chill of the night.  He didn’t know what to think and he certainly didn’t know what to do.  Instead he leaned against the railing and stared out at the starlight glittering on the ocean.  

He might understand what Mika meant, now.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How will Eliot react to this shocking confession?? Why does he seem so insistent on repressing his feelings for Alex?? Does Eliot have some deep dark secrets of his own??? Tune in next time to find out.......
> 
> As always you can find me on Tumblr at @kiszmet.
> 
> Also, happy Trans Day of Visibility!! I hope all my trans brothers, sisters, and nonbinary pals stayed safe and had fun. :)


	15. In Which Eliot is Still In Denial and Sam Has a Really Good Night

Eliot woke up with a splitting headache and a mouth full of cotton.  He groaned softly and buried his head under his pillow for a few seconds before flopping closer to his nightstand to reach the painkillers sitting there.  Eliot always had a few on hand for the times Sam would come schlepping in after a wild party or a post-finals bender.  It was far less often that Eliot needed them.  He swallowed them dry and collapsed back into bed with another miserable groan.  Then he chuckled quietly.  If  _ he  _ was feeling this bad, then Alex must - 

Oh, god.  Alex.

Eliot gripped his hair by the roots and pulled with both hands, hard, as impressions of the previous night flashed behind his eyelids.  

_ Flashing lights and gyrating bodies _

_ The bitter taste of alcohol and regret and confused hurt _

_ Copper hair turned to a dull brown in the sickly light of a street lamp _

_ Warm, wet breath on the sensitive skin behind his ear _

_ Sweet but mournful words, acceptance without hope - “ _ I don’t want to get my heart broken.”   _ Such easy resignation... _

How had this happened?  What had Alex seen in  _ Eliot, _ of all people?  Alex, who burned so brightly, who loved so deeply...what could have possibly turned his head toward such a rough, broken man?

Eliot did his best to put it out of his mind as he finally dragged himself out of bed.  He would have to talk to Alex eventually, but for now what he really needed was at least two coffees and a very large bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

* * *

 

As it happened, Eliot would not be allowed to live in denial for very long.  Halfway into his ( _ shamefully _ large, good God how would he be a responsible medical professional) second bowl of sugary cereal, Sam burst into their room.  Eliot was still so entrenched in his post-hangover haze that the sound of the door slamming open caused him to nearly swallow his spoon.  Sam whapped him on the back a little too enthusiastically as he choked.  Eliot glared up at his best friend through watering eyes.  “What the  _ hell,  _ man?” he rasped.  “It should be humanly impossible for you to be this energetic considering how much you had to drink last night.  Just in case you forgot, it was a lot.”

Sam just beamed back at him.  Eliot squinted.  “Wait a minute...you’ve got that  _ look.” _

The other man immediately tried to assemble his features into an expression resembling innocence.  He was such a good actor that it was almost convincing.  “What are you talking about?  I don’t have a  _ look.   _ I don’t have  _ any  _ look.  This is my normal Sam-face.”

“Mmmmnope, you look way too happy even for you.  You got laid last night.”  Eliot squinted harder, suspicious.  “...and I’m guessing that’s not it.”

Sam gave up on his act and grinned widely.  “Ding ding ding!  We have a winner, ladies and gents and none of the above!”  He stood there, arms outstretched.  He and Eliot stared at each other in a few moments of expectant silence before Eliot relented, rolling his eyes.  

“And exactly what, may I ask, happened last night?”

Before the words were even out of his mouth Sam had launched into his tale.  “Why, my  _ dear _ Eliot, I am just so glad you asked!  While you were off in your little mope-corner in Antisocialville - ”  Eliot made an indignant noise that was summarily ignored “ - I was blessed by the gods of true love!”

“Sam, dude, we’ve talked about this before.  Whoever you met at that bar last night is not your true love.  I mean, maybe, but you can’t know that after one night in their bed.  No matter how amazing the sex was.”

Sam tapped his finger to his lips and winked obnoxiously.  “Although I strongly disagree, that is not what happened last night.”

Eliot waited.  When no elaboration was forthcoming, he rolled his eyes (even harder this time) and prompted, “So then what happened last night?”

“Aw, sugar, it’s so nice to know you care.  In any case…Akela kissed me!”

“Whoa, they - no way!  That’s amazing!”

Sam sighed dreamily.  “Oh, Ellie-boy, it  _ was.” _

“Okay, I love you like a brother and you’re probably super high on post-coital bliss or whatever, but if you call me that ever again I promise I will hurt you.”

“Actually, we didn’t have sex.”

Eliot snorted.  “Ha-ha, okay.”

Sam’s brow furrowed.  His eyes were serious.  “I’m not joking, Eliot.  I didn’t have sex with them.”

Eliot’s smirk faded.  “Huh?”

“Akela doesn’t - they didn’t give me a reason, they just said that they weren’t comfortable having sex yet.  And I don’t need a reason.”  Sam stared hard at Eliot, as if looking for censure.  Finding none, he continued.  “We just…talked.  And I spent the night at their house, and we slept together.  Not like  _ sex  _ sleeping together, just…lying in their bed.  Falling asleep together.”  His cheeks were pink with reminiscence.  

A slow smile spread across Eliot’s face.  “Well, I never thought I would see this day come.  The great Sam Rodriguez, all ready to settle down with a white picket fence and three and a half kids!”

Sam blushed harder and smacked a cackling Eliot upside the head.  “I never said I’m in  _ love  _ with them!  And I definitely didn’t say anything about  _ kids!   _ Although…can you imagine?  Akela’s looks, my irrepressible charisma…those kids would be  _ unstoppable.”  _

Eliot smiled fondly at his best friend.  “Uh-huh, you’re totally not in love.  I believe you.”

Sam whacked him again, but he was laughing.  He collapsed into one of the other kitchen chairs and propped his arm on Eliot’s shoulder.  “Hey, speaking of  _ looooove… _ I saw Alex follow you outside.  Were you ever going to give me the dirt on that whole,” he made a vague hand gesture,  _ “thing?” _  Eliot immediately stiffened and shoved Sam’s lounging form off.  Sam squawked and flailed before righting himself with a huff.  “Hey, what the hell was that for?!”

Eliot scowled down at his cereal.  It was completely sodden by now, completely inedible.  He poked at it halfheartedly with his spoon.  “There’s nothing to tell.  I don’t know what you’re talking about.  I don’t love him, and he  _ definitely  _ doesn’t love me.”

Sam was silent for a long time, long enough for Eliot to glance up at him.  For a split second Sam’s normally bright and cheerful expression was eclipsed by sorrow so great that Eliot felt his own heart ache in sympathy.  Then the shadow passed and Sam’s sunny smile returned.  “I think you’re underselling yourself.  I know you’re a catch, even if you don’t agree yet!”

Eliot huffed in amusement.  “Okay, whatever.  I don’t want to talk about it anymore.  Or, at all, really.  Anyway, tell me more.  Have you guys talked about it?  Are you dating now, or something?”

Sam’s eyes were unbearably sympathetic.  Eliot gritted his teeth, but Sam started talking before he could say anything.  “Of course!  I think we’re dating now.  I mean, we set up a date - our first date can you believe it?  It’s going to be at this adorable little coffee place Akela likes to study at.  Apparently they went there so often that now all the baristas know their name and their order.  Isn’t that adorable?”

Eliot allowed the chatter to wash over him in a comforting wave.  For now, everything was fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mmmmm so I'm not /super/ happy with this chapter, and it's waaay shorter than I would like it to be, but, y'know. I haven't updated this in so long that I decided that it would be better to throw this up than to agonize over it for ages and then end up not posting at all. Ah, well. I swear I'm not finished with these boys yet! It might a long time but I promise I will give them the happy ending they deserve. In any case, hope you enjoy! And as always, PLEASE come talk to me on Tumblr @kiszmet! (Whoever sent me that ask a few months ago literally made my life. Like, I still pull that up when I'm having a bad day/not feeling good about my writing, so thank you so much. Every kind word/comment keeps me writing. Your words really do make a huge difference.)


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